i'm scared of sleeping

my morning classes start late. i wake up at 9am and get out of bed, usually. today i had dreams, dreams about someone i miss

it wasnt anything weird, i just keep dreaming about hanging out with him or talking to him again or watching movies with him or cooking with him or some shit

and during the dream im painfully aware that im dreaming and that its not real and that i miss him and that im about to wake up any second

this morning i woke up at 7am, tried to go back to sleep but i kept tossing and turning and tossing like crazy until i checked my phone and it was 8:30 and i decided i should get up to make it stop

i usually go to bed between midnight and 3am but its 11pm right now and i have nothing to do. i dont have anyone to talk to, i think my best friend is getting bored of me. the people in my favourite server are all busy or offline, my dad is sick of me, i feel too weak to do my nightly pushups and i dont feel like drawing or painting.

i would go to bed astronomically early for my standard but im scared

im scared ill dream about him again, i know i'll dream about him again and i dont wanna feel bad man, i dont wanna feel bad

whenever i close my eyes and its quiet i hear his voice and his laughter and i remember the curve of his cheek and the shape of his eyes and the feeling of his hand in mine and i miss him i just really miss my friend i miss my friend man

i just want to forget, lobotomize me at this point