11/27 How Soon is Now?

I havent created a blog in a few days, i forgor on saturday and was too miserable yesterday to bother. I was really down on myself yesterday and frustrated with my social ineptness. As a major introvert and possibly (probably) neurodivergent, I have aways been comfortable being my own best friend, my own partner. But lately I have really been wishing I had the ability to get close to people. I have people in my life that i love but i have never had anyone feel like my "other half." I want to feel seen, feel understood, feel taken care of. For the first time in years I feel open to love and lonelier than ever. I have absolutly no idea how to "put myself out there." I try to go to social spaces but, to quote the Smiths, "you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own,  and you go home and you cry, and you want to die!" My friends say that I have to be the one to make the first move because I have intimidating energy, but I am so bad at making the first move.

Woe is me!