TW⚠️

Pain.

Pain is the only thing I know, growing up I was hit for small lies and arguments with my sister, I was never able to deal with my tears without being told “I’ll give you something to cry about” now I sit in my room and instead of crying I inflict pain on myself… as a punishment for how I feel.

How I feel doesn’t matter, trying to tell someone about how I feel ended up with me in more pain, I was told I don’t understand what real pain is.. I was told that my tears weren’t worth the time.. now I hide myself from everyone when I feel like crying.. because I’m not supposed to show that to anyone except myself.

I’m alone but I’m not.. I have family and friends who love me and a wonderful person who says they love me.. but they don’t know what’s in my head and I’d never tell them either.. I couldn’t do that to them.. they have their own problems and they don’t need another one added into their lives.. so I sit in silence with my thoughts and as the clock hits 3am it’s time to release my feelings but this time onto my skin..

I’m sorry, you all deserve better than me and I’m sorry I can’t tell you any of this because I’m scared to lose anyone else because of my own battles with my head.