talking about movies

all i ever talk about is movies and tv...and i will not apologize! ok this is gonna be rambly/stream of consciousness, just some thoughts i'm having regarding film and the industry.

so having worked on a few sets (none were professional i might add - just indie projects and whatnot) as well as a pa in a film festival i think i have a little bit of experience. working in movies and tv has always been my dream and it IS my future, like, this is it baby, so yeah i'm very close to it. I've been taking a break from even thinking about it in order to finish my degree at university but lately i have been very very much thinking about it and missing being on sets. Like genuinely nothing compares to the feeling of being on a set or driving around carrying the stuff or even just going down the coffee shop to buy some coffees because you've been assigned pa#43 at this gig. Like it's cool and exciting, and I couldn't love it more.

So yesterday I finished my rewatch of bojack horseman (like 3rd full rewatch i think) and yes i cried but the ending and the story itself isn't what matters. I love this show particularly for its depiction of the industry, how (at least i feel) close it is. I've been told by everyone that i am quite literally diane, and she definitely is THEE character ever that i've related to the most BUT it is princess carolyn who i end up thinking about the most, cause even if diane is literally me (writer, depressed, diaspora to the max), princess carolyn reminds me of my goals and what it's like to be alive. LIKE. Come on.

i do also feel like a workaholic and like my passion for this industry literally blinds me from everything else and i could never, ever do something else, and i will fight for my dreams till the end. I love her character, her arc, and what they do with her. She's so messy and wonderful and (whenever she's not on the brink of a crisis) an inspiration. Luv her.

Anyway. So that got me thinking a lot. Then today I watched the sunny podcast episode where they bring danny devito on, and he talks about how he got involved with the show and all that. He particularly talks about how it was back in the day, and it makes me... nostalgic? Cause I also love mash, FROM the 70s, and love alan alda, and occasionally look at pictures of him in events or whatever from back in the day and it's all so... different. I'll be honest, for the past few years i've been in a funk when it comes to movies and like, the INDUSTRY cause the current landscape is so depressing (i don't wanna shit on marvel and disney and all that (tho disney is evilllllll) but like, come on, let's not pretend they're not just producing bs, which has happened in every single era i KNOW but this added to our stage of late capitalism is just nightmarish). I even thought, many times, of not pursuing a career in media, but honestly, that seems impossible. This is my passion, my one true obsession ever since i was 5 making stop motion films with my toys. Like, this is IT!

So yeah it is pretty terrible. Putting everything together (women in the industry, lgbts in the industry, being NOT AMERICAN, not white, not rich...) i'll maybe never make it to hollywood but hollywood fucking sucks nowadays anyway so... i mean maybe it's for the best. And i hate the oscars currently but it also would feel so cool to have one right? ughh whatever.

So thinking all this I try really hard to not be negative and the truth is, i can't. I love film, I love the process, the people who come together to make it, the product itself, sitting down with loved ones to watch something... how can you not love it? so that's what keeps me going. I think of my dad who instilled the love of movies with his westerns (where he acted as an extra!! lol) and my mom who can watch like 5 movies a day (she should get a letterboxd yes) and it's like, yeah, i'll make movies for them. For all my extended family. For my friends who talk during movies but i love them anyway. And for the kids who go to the cinema alone, most of all. This is so melodramatic sorry!!! but i <3 movies obvi.