Hello, Nobody.

(Also an independent piece! Unrelated to any other works. This was a bit of a vent piece I did some time ago.)

Hello, Nobody. 

Today, I am writing to you not from my comfortable mattress, under the cozy peach comforter, but from the floor. The floor beside my bed. I pulled my pillow off of it, I even grabbed one of my blankets to wrap up in. I’m quite situated here on the floor. In fact, I dozed off a bit, earlier, after I finished crying.

Why was I crying, you ask?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I was on the ground, and not on the mattress. 

I just…needed a moment.

Oh! I’m sitting here in the dark. The lamp’s lightbulb stopped working earlier today and I never got around to changing it. I didn’t feel like it.  So now it’s midnight and I’m here in the dark blinding myself with my phone’s screen.

It’s weird. Being in the dark, I mean. You see things differently.

• Well, you don’t see anything, but… You think differently.

I could perfectly navigate my mess of a room in the dark. I know exactly where everything is - where the pile of dirty clothes is, where my old school bag is tossed, where all the trash that tumbles out of the trashcan is, I even know where my limited edition ALCYONE figurine is. It was delivered today… but I haven’t opened it. I tossed it on the ground and sat at my desk the rest of the day. 

But There’s something I don’t know. Something really silly. Something really simple.

I don’t know how big my room is.

You’d think, surely I’d know it. If not now, I surely would have known it once, when I first moved in. It'd be sitting in the “reserved for whenever” files in my head, right?.

Ah. No. Not at all. No measurements, not square feet, square inches, square meters, nothing.

I know where everything in the room is, but I have a hard time placing where the walls are. Actually, sometimes I might misjudge the location of something in the room - something that is supposed to be against the wall - because I’m not sure where the wall is.

I’ve stubbed my toe a few times tonight because of this. I always stop and ask myself “Is that really where that is?” and I wish I knew the size of my room.

Say. Nobody…

How big is the world?

Don’t laugh at me! I’m serious. How big is it all!

Where are its walls? Where can I walk, and where will I stub my toe?

How big am I, in this world? How big do my steps need to be to get to point A to point B in a reasonable amount of time without tripping over myself?

Agh!!

I have a dream. I want to go somewhere. 

But.

I wonder, is my dream too big? Is it bigger than the world? Is where I want to go past where I’m allowed to walk?

I’m sure you know. Nobody knows. Nobody will tell me.

 Right?