My gender

Did u know??? I'm actually not a cis boy? I think it's kinda obvious. 

But I don't wanna be labelled as "trans". Please don't call me a "trans boy". I'm neurodivergent (am I allowed to call myself that?) which means I have a hard time trying to figure out my identity, specifically my gender. I've never wished to be trans in the first place. In my head I have always been a boy, a cis boy who is feminine. Never had it occurred to me that I was a girl, mentally at least. But I was born in a female body. 

Bc of my mental issues (neurodivergency???), I struggle to find solace in the term "trans". Idk how to explain it but it just.... discriminates/degrades my experience with gender difficulty/gender dysphoria. It completely removes the fact that I find it extremely hard to cope with my gender. While u may think that's just the typical trans experience, no, i think otherwise. It's hard to process what my brain is trying to say,,, even words can't explain why I think like this. 

I simply wish to be seen as an effeminate boy,,, not a trans boy. I don't need respect bc im "trans". I wish to be treated like the typical cis boy (yes ik it's bad but it feels more affirming for some reason). I don't need a new word to describe my gender, simply just "boy/male".

For the most part/physically, I'm comfortable with having a female body. I'm not curvy and quite flat so I'm able to easily pass as male/femboy. I've heard that a lot of cis femboys would've taken this as a privilege since they wish to appear more feminine and I think thats quite gender affirming too (srry, no offence to cis femboys).

(ps. I'm rlly srry abt the trans part,,, I don't mean to offend anyone who identifies with the label, I just don't think the label fits me. I deeply respect those who identify as transgender!!)

(This was a bulletin but I made it into a blog so ppl r able to see it in the future.)

(Apologies for the nonsensical ramblings,,, idk how to translate my thoughts verbally and I'm still quite unstable lol)