i am brooding.. lesbianly

idk if i will ever get over the one that got away. i miss her sm. i love her so much but sometimes i wonder if i just miss the idea of her cuz i dont rlly know her at all i see her insta i see her post but i know its not reallife. she sent me the most beautiful letter and i never sent one back. i regret that alot lately its been a few years so its a lil too late lol hnnnnnnggggggg 

i wish i could go visit i want to see her and hold her hand on the streets of nyc and see her n her world. ive been writing poetry i might possibly win the the award for useless lesbian ong i just freeze im tryna be the initiator u feel???? i am soft top but girligirls gotta initate cuz i never know if my affections are welxome lol but when they do, in the past at least, i freeze. and that shit is so awful its embrassing XD its like every braincell is on overdrive and im stuck glitching. its cuz i grew up not knowing girlipops could kiss XD didnt see nothin bout it on tv or music or nuthing. i also grew up on the road so :/ oh well glad i figured shit out in middle school. 

i have had two infamous crushes that ofc ultimately crushed me on my own accord. Iz and R. R and i went down in flames. Iz and I never got more than the biggest spark and i didnt help tend it. big regretti. i send her sm love i wish i could hold her hand n take prett pictures of her maybe draw with her explore with her, go on adventures. i think ill dream bout it some more