Day 23 - You Are My Way Of Life, The Only Way I Know

heyyyyyyyyy hi hello :]]]]]]] day 23!

[ Sleep Schedule || Previous Night ] -

I slept well!!! I went back to sleep after my entry yesterday and got a good amount! I woke up early too :DDD i win. 

[ Socialization ] - 

Tonight there was a Henna night (kina gecesi) for a guy my family knows in the community and the bride who was a my elementary turkish teacher’s sister djghd 

I know not a lot of people who aren’t turkish or arabic or of similar culture know what that is, but i am so incredibly tired. I dont think i can explain? Im genuinely so exhausted. So here are some links or something 

Another :3

a third!

What are you going to do with three articles? idk. Are they accurate? Probably? Did i read through them. Nah.

Look if there is a henna night  you just go. Its rare here, only like 2-3 times a year if people are getting married, and you Go. at least i do lolol

I saw so many people, and i danced the entire time.  You know it gets serious when you have to take off your heels and put your necklace in your cleavage so as not to lose it. I saw basically every turkish young females who live in our area. Z was there!!! She’s so good at dancing oml. Those hips do not lie what so ever i could sit and watch her forever honestly, people who can dance are so mesmerizing. I said i missed her despite it not even being a week since ive seen her, she seemed happy, we danced together a lot and i danced in front and together with basically anyone and everyone. Z is so kind ;; i wanna be better friends with her. Ive been meaning to message her because i really wanted to see her again!!!! Im gonna read the stranger so that we can talk about it together. And bc it actually looks interesting. I wanna be special to her uu

I dressed up very nicely :3 i love feminizing myself for this stuff. Then we return to regularly scheduled programming. 

[ Art/Creative ] -

No art today ;; i miss it. Ill be working on blender stuff tomorrow for honestly the entire day, so. That will confirm art/creative for tomorrow. Putting it here now basically makes me responsible for it to now my brains like woah! Its in writing! You HAVE to! So i shall.

[ School Work ] -

Nah nothing today. But look, tomorrow the blender stuff is for a school project anyway. We’re good.

[ Hydration ] - 

Was surprisingly well hydrated!!! Its a good habit to have fr. Make sure to drink water!!!

[ Physical Activity] - 

I went on a walk in the morning that was honestly. Way longer than it had to be??? But i was awake so early i wanted to get it out of the way! 

And then i danced for like 3-4 hours. The bottoms of my feet hurt. I regret nothing. It was so fun. Im gonna sleep so well

[ Diet ] - 

I had breakfast??? Cannot remember. And then nothing, and then danced for multiple hours, didnt eat the food there, and came home and had food!!!!!! I’d prefer if i could eat healthier and in more regular hours than this though, yknow? Cause i know the time you consume food also affects how well you sleep. Hm. will look into this

[ New Information/Something New ] -

Learned a new dance from Z. :3 GAH SHES SO AWESOME i get so excited to get closer to people and become better friends. im more excited about friendship than anything

{ [ Music ] } - Today I had My Way Of Life by Frank Sinatra on loop for most of the day. 

I relate to it a lot. Every lyric of it has never hit so close to home before. I have felt this exact feeling and devotion multiple times, and no one has put it into the music format in this exact way before. im obsessed.

I need to develop a comic of my two oc’s stories who have that dynamic. actually. i might have multiple. i like characters who are devoted to eachother. devotion is a concept i cant get enough of.

Sigghhhh that song is so real. I love it a lot, and there’s not enough covers of it (because when im obsessed with a song i immediately look for covers) and the ones that do exist dont do it like Sinatra. His version is perfect.

A lot of the time, ill devote my future to a specific person or thing or message. but usually when its' people, being with them is not enough, like i feel a hole in my side knowing at the end of the day we part ways. i need to, as Sinatra says "be a part of your soul, of your heart all the time." have you ever watched Ruby Sparks? The scene where she's rewritten by the main character to be so intensely attached to whatever character Paul Dano was playing? The scene where she's cuddling close to him, right next to him, and says "I miss you even now"??? 

Yeah. That's it. yeah. 

I both relate to Yuta Okkotsu from Jujutsu Kaisen and want him; I want a connection with someone, I want to be needed. And i want it back, because if it isnt mutual that means it might have to eventually end, and i cant handle that. so i end it before it ends me.

But right now i am not letting myself repeat this cycle, so im without life changing devotion. i assume this is what really religious people feel like. you ever make another person your religion? not jesus or someone who is a concept of good, but someone who you can reach and feel with your fingertips? i both miss it and know i cant do it anymore. i dont know where this dump came from, this song is just absolutely perfect and makes me want to write stories so bad. i feel both seen bu also i feel moved and inspired. 

odd ramble ;;; i will edit this out later if it feels like ive overdone and overshared during my nightly exhausted ramble lolol

{ [ Turkish ] } -

Merhaba arkadaslar. Enerjim olsa yazarim turkce biseyler…..ama COK UYKUM VAARRRR ayaklarimi agriyo offfffff daha makyajimi cikarcam. Cok yorgunum. Bi yerde uyuya kalirsam, uzerimi acik bulursaniz lutfen ceketle ortun

thank you for reading!!!! :]]]] i know the past few days have been messy, break periods really mess with my daily life ;; but guess what I HAVE A FEW MORE WEEKS AND THEN MY UNIVERSITY SEMESTER ENDS. then i only have work. schedule will be concerning again but the goal and point of this is to do my best to keep it together!!!!

buh bye!!!!! ^^ goodnight!!!

i miss painting. i wanna paint. sighh 

yuta........

   sighh.  i miss my wife, tails. i miss her a lot ill be back