Devotion [old writing]

I was not built for casual. I was built for devotion. With my whole body and mind, with my full heart and soul; I was built to devote myself in the most crushing way possible. But devotion is an intimate little thing. It requires a great bond between two individuals, something special. 

I was not built for special. 

But I was built for devotion.

I seek out those who I can devote myself to like a hound searching for it’s next meal. And I find that next meal, I always do. But I was not built for the intimacy that the meal requires. The meal was built for intimacy. Built for it the proper way. The way that takes time. 

I try my best to form that intimacy. To get to that devotion I crave to give. But my attempts are ragged and monstrous. I bite and i claw for it- My intimacy is overwhelming. Sudden and panic inducing. 

It’s scary, I’ve found. 

It’s scary, I’ve been told.

My meal runs away in fright.

Each and every time.

I was not built for casual. I was built for devotion. 

It’s crushing.