,eow

maybe my boyfriend is also the problem. maybe im not delusional and he does neglect me at times. im trying to be understanding of him wanting to spend time with his friends. the situation is more nuanced than a normal situation-- his family is jehovahs witnesses, and hes not. up until a month ago he was still being forced to follow all the rules.  doing bible studies, going to meetings and jw events like 4 times a week, never being allowed to see people out of the congregation. his parents dont even know about me and we live together. hes 20 btw, 21 next month.

so this weekend has been the first that hes been able to hang out with friends for however long he wants, doing whatever he wants.

but its not even just this weekend that hes neglecting me.

its everyday after work, when he gets home and immediately starts playing video games while im still just sitting in his bed since i dont have a car and im not getting one until next month, so no job. nothing to do, like i dont even have stuff in this house. all i have is clothes and a laptop. and i've told him throughout our whole relationship how depressed i am and how i hate that i'm alone all day and theres nothing i can do about it. and he has the opportunity to spend time with me after work every single day but chooses not to. but hes hanging out with his friends for hours and hours this weekend. and in vc.

there is other stuff from before he moved out too.

like he would lie to his parents to be able to hangout with me and his friends, saying he was just gonna spend time at the library.

but he always stayed out until like 12am when he would hangout with his friends, but would leave and go home at like 9pm hanging out with me. and i've expressed this with him and how it hurt me, and idk he gave reasons, that he was scared to even be seen with me in public (but we don't even go in public we just go to a pool parking lot of my friends neighborhood where there is not a single jw in sight)

i cant wait to go back to school so i can make new friends. and i can be happy and he can do his own thing and then we'll grow apart and then we'll break up. lol.

i miss when it felt like he cared about me more than anime and manga and video games. literally feels like i come second for some reason. like we dont talk.

we dont have conversations. we dont have inside jokes or do things we like together. he doesnt make me laugh. i dont make him laugh. i feel guilty saying all of this while still being with him.

and now hes playing fucking csgo with his friends.

im gonna watch adventure time.

(-,,-)/