sunny street n journal time :3

freddie nation there has been a change in the ecosystem but im liek super determined to continue writing as if The Bf doesnt read these cause i need a fucking diary alr :p i refuse 2 filter or perform on here. hiiii The Bf also sorry about that.

guess who did fuck all today guyz. shocker. i like waz gonna go someplace but then i slept through NINE ALARMS and when i woke up at 12 my dad asked me if everything was alright cause i waz getting so many phone calls and tbh. the fact that he didnt check (even though they were alarms) is a bit sily funny. like okay john. ANYWAY i did eventually go out and get this really fun notebook w blank and lined pages so i can write out all my analysis and ideas 4 things and have the brain images of them next to them on the sketch pages!! amazing. i drew a tree. i have a lot of story ideaz always but its hard to decide whether i need them recorded visually or In Words so like im actually having such a blast. also been considering writing scripts again cause. the Ideas have been insane there are sm stories i need down yk :3

anyway i sort of ermm half cleaned my room today too !! which was actually a massive amazing win for me (it waz just so my dad couldnt yell at me about it xp) . then thats it i lay in bed again 4 the day guyz i do nothing.

i did however listen to an ungodly amnt of ethel cain yesterday (as with most days) so that waz nice cause the way i feel about ethel cain is INSANE. then today was noah kahan day and when i tell u i havent paused his discography once since i woke up. great day amazing day

gonna get a tiny bit venty here but its okay. ignore if u want sorry to my 2 blog readers (one of u is scary. sorry). grief has been a bit funny atm. mikey ik we just talked abt this so im like a broken record 2 u rn but ignore that. grief is funny. because why am i just having to come to terms with the fact that hes really gone for good now when hes been dead for just over three years. i really get it now because the worlds finally begun moving again but suddenly i cant because. he cant. hes dead. weird how it gets u in the middle of a sunny street. suicide brings a different sort of grief too cause its. so much harder to accept. cause he didnt have to die at all. didnt need to happen yk. anyway the grief of it all that ive experienced for just over three years and will forever is keeping me alive right now because if i live to keep feeling it then i wont make anyone else feel it too and thats worth it. euogh freddie move on ur coming out of ur depressive ep its all good. promise

whateva i think thats it 4 today. did nothing had no energy. will probably go n talk 2 god about my cousin again. love u man everythings good down here. i miss u

sending love through my screen :p

fredz

(scared i just remembered The Bf can see this. hmmmm)