college vs life

hellloooooo internet

its ya gurl monty. 

i cant quite tell if i'm in the middle of a depressive episode or if im in the middle of a manic episode....

like, i'm not feeling great lately and i often just want to stay in bed all day- and i binge eat until im sick to my stomach. 

but on the other hand i have the strong desire to get out and socialize, stay up all night and do drugs.

since i've moved out of my grandparents house in my hometown and have been kinda isolated from my friends it's been really hard for me to talk to other people.

if you would've asked me last year if i had social anxiety i would've told you im one of the most extroverted people in my friend group. 

but today isn't last year. 

i'm more introverted than ever and i cant even stand next to my dad at a bar for 5 minutes without feeling paranoia when everyone's eyes are on me. 

i love where i live now but  fuck, man- i wish i had some friends here. 

i doubt becoming a hermit will help my problem but i really just cant bring myself to get out there, ykno?

thats all for now.

introvertedly,

monty.