girl talk.

why is ur so awkward w my boyfriend. istg i just made the dumbest face and now he hates me because i'm ugly. 

ITS JUST SO AWKWARD 

to exist with people who acknowledge you and care about you. 

the dream is so be the most beautiful creature on earth living eternally with no connections with anyone 

just complete solo exploration

that wont happen though 

the boyfriend just woke up and starting staring at me

i guess he's not that bad. i'm definitely the problem 

for him it's not uncomfortable, it's not awkward and he doesn't have difficulties talking to me about anything.

he has no problem being himself around me 

i'm just incredibly insecure and all i can ever think abt is how i'm being perceived at every moment and if i'm not beautiful in every moment then i lose value as a person

i can literally hear him shitting and farting on the toilet.

there isn't any discomfort on his side like im literally the problem 

i need to grow balls and start doing what i want and not what's expected of me. i should've broken up with him a long time ago. it's not that i don't love and care about him it's that i'm so unhappy with my life and i cant go after the life i want and still be with him. 

he's flushing now. 

must go.