blog #2 (aka why u should always flip a lucky)

i learned something new today: flipping a lucky.

it happened in the back of maya's car on the way to the mall. i was showing ally my brand new pack of marlboro reds (special thanks to my roomie), when she took the pack from me to see if they were 100s. then, she said she was gonna flip me a lucky. i asked what that meant, and she told me that whenever you get a new pack, you're supposed to flip one cigarette upside down for good luck. then, when you need it the most, you smoke the lucky for extra extra good luck.

i had never heard of it before. it had been a while since i'd smoked, and i never really felt a need for nicotine, but for some reason something about this town makes me need a light. 

there's something strangely comforting in receiving a cigarette good luck charm from the girl who taught me how to do makeup in the seventh grade. carrying around my new lucky pack, i went to a show at the riot house. i can't write about everything that happened cause thinking about it makes my stomach hurt, but eventually my lucky light kicked in. i realized i was just a notch in his bedpost, but he isn't even a line in a song. i danced with cel to some band we'd never heard of, and after, sat by the fire with a bunch of people i didn't know. the guitarist of the band we saw came and sat by me. he offered me a smoke and lit it for me. he loved my name. he told me my eyes were incredible. i bought a cassette from his band and he signed it with his number. before his band headed home to seattle, he held my hand in his and slid a bracelet from his wrist to mine and asked me to call him. i assured him i would.

it was a actualization of the saying "when the good lord closes the door, he always opens a window". i'm not religious, but i choose to believe that there's something out there that's bigger than all of us that, sometimes, has our best interest in mind. call it god or the universe or whatever. tonight, i think it finally slammed shut a door that everyone had been telling me to close for weeks, and opened a window that i'd been eyeballing for years. slamming that door is gonna hurt eventually, but i'm grateful that it doesn't now.

tomorrow morning, i'm gonna wake up super early to get ready for my 8:30 am dress rehearsal. i'm gonna text that guitarist good morning, and on my walk to the PAC, i'm gonna listen to the 'music the guy the slammy-door guy tried to ruin for me. i'm gonna find little chances throughout the day to do nice things for myself. i'm gonna sit in the morning sun and read, i'm gonna enjoy thai food, feminist prose, and angry girl music of the indie rock persuasion. i'm spend time with my favorite girl (me). i'm lucky to live in a world where every day, i get to try again. i'm heartbroken that the door is closed, but i'm oh so grateful for the fresh air coming from the window that's opened.

maybe i'm too superstitious, but i've always believed in wishing on eyelashes and every 11:11, so it's no surprise that i'm a wholehearted believer in my brand new good luck charm. the world may have slammed a big heavy door in my face tonight, but thanks to the help of my lucky light, i'm lighting my smoke out of the window it's just opened.