My friend told me that it feels wrong to draw me smiling.

It's amazing how much you see of yourself when your best friends are artists. I have learned a lot from them and I'm very grateful. But some things have had a very harsh reality check and they make me kid of sad.

I grew up in a loud and angry household when I was very young. I reflected that cruelness in my early childhood. I was very angry and manipulative.

I have grown and come a long way since them and I do my best to respect those around me, however I am still a double edged sword in some ways. I am not highly social, i have a large friend group online and quite a few acquaintances however I become annoyed and blunt when people come on too strong. 

I also have been told that I don't smile often. I am often referred to as the "grumpy" or "cold" friend. I am often blunt and can be aggressive when I feel it is needed. However, I don't want to be seen as aggressive or rude. I want to be kind and fun to be around. but I also don't want to waste time. 

I don't reputation of never smiling and I don't want my friends to think I'm a bad person. I worry though that this being how I am could give people the wrong idea of me. I know I'm kind on the inside to my family and friends.

I also know that my friends aren't leaving. I know that they care about me but I'm worried that I might hurt them if I haven't already. I know they care but I don't want to be seen as angry or cold.

With love,  Bea