missing me; dead at 16

I miss Ilay; my starshine, miss the way she smells and how his strong arms feel around me

I miss Dakota, his hand around my wrist because he's worried, how he's the most caring friend I've ever had

I miss my mama, the way I felt for her before I knew who she truly was. I miss feeling emotion for her that she never deserved

I miss the man who never gave me the money he owes; nothing but a man who was supposed to be my sugar daddy -19 and sexy- who I obsessed over but he never knew it, the way I planned to die for him and I couldn't truthfully answer when he asked me why I'd do that

and now I die of rotting flesh and failing organs, of blue skin and exposed bone, an empty stomach and full mind