post number 1

recently i've been adding things up and i've realized that my girl has taken her life. last thing she ever said was that she should blow her brains out. and i guess she did. reached out to one of her friends recently and they called her, she didn't pick up, she hasn't responded to any of my messages on discord, or on instagram..

last month her grandmother died and it's been really hard on her since that was her day 1 person, she became more distant and it's almost like she wasn't even there anymore sometimes. her grandma was the one person that she was staying alive for, other than me.

occasionally i'd have a mood swing or two and would lash out at her and would say all these nasty things and now i really regret it we weren't really together it was more of a situationship where weren't romancey enough to be considered dating but too romancey to be considered just friend this was thru the internet since i have negative rizz and can't get anyone in real life

but she was like my other half and she understood me and i understood her most of the time, she made me realize that there's more to a relationship than having hot gay sex, but a long lasting connection between two lovers, it was almost like she was my soulmate, we liked all of the same things and barely ever didn't see each other eye to eye, it was like we were old married high school sweethearts almost

when i was with her i was always like 'bruh im single' but then now i've realized that i'm not, when i was saying all of that "what am i doing wrong'' i was doing something right but it's not like other relationships on tiktoks or in movies but it was enough to ask for

she said that she would do things with me once i was older and once she was off work, and we never got to do all the things she said, like play minecraft or watch sam and cat. 

now that she's gone i don't have the motivation to do anything at all and i don't even see a point in being alive. what's the point of having a light if you don't have a light switch?? even if i do find one of those hot cute anime girls no one could ever replace her, and even if they were just like her they couldn't, because she was truly special to me.

it's almost like part of me is missing