consumingconsumingconsuming. & bugs

i spend far too much time consuming media for someone who considers themselves a creator--nowadays i can find myself doomscrolling for hours and hours, never realizing just how much time has actually passed. sometimes i think, "if it's educational or important, then it's really not all that bad!" but, truthfully, i never really find myself actually remembering things i've stared at on my screen.

of course, i'm not saying MEDIA IS BAD YOUR BRAINS ARE ROTTING RAHHH!!!!! ...but it sure feels that way when i consume it at an unhealthy rate, all for a quick dopamine boost. i think i just need to have a healthier relationship with my phone, or whatever else i can use to access the internet.

i should go out more.

well, i did try going to the park for a walk, recently. but, i was uncomfortable with how the sun stung my skin despite the sunscreen i slathered on, and how many bugs were flying around... it didn't help that i have an irrational fear of insects flying their way into my ears and laying eggs there (i watched way too much monsters inside me as a kid,) and that's why i always run and cover my ears when i hear them buzz around. i probably looked insane to whoever else was trying to have a nice day there.

i should go out more... into indoor spaces.

but everywhere costs too much money to just hang out in. i don't want to pay money for food or a drink when i have that at home. i don't want to pay for gas. i don't want to walk because it takes half an hour just to get out of my neighborhood (then again, maybe i need the exercise.)

it almost feels like i'm fated to be a shut-in... but i don't really want to jamescagewhite myself. i like doing things. i like making things. i like experiencing things, and i can't do that if i'm on my phone all day. i guess i just need to look harder for things to do. or throw my phone at the wall as soon as i realize i'm mindlessly scrolling again.

i've already done that a few times. lol.