talking about taylor swift DIES DIES DIES DIES

My thoughts on miss swift are as big in intensity as a black hole. They're also contradictory and confusing and I think that's just what being a taylor swift fan is like. Maybe not a fan. I would never call myself a swiftie also. Let's recap. Also I'm gonna be talking about GAYLORISM so yeah. I know some people hate on it for some reason (ahem...homophobia) so just be warned if u wanna read this.

OK SO I knew Taylor since like love story like literally everyone i feel like. I was super into her during red era but ofc i was a kid so it was more like, the singer on the radio i like. Then 1989 was fun as well. I truly got into her during rep era cus of all the drama, and i was actually on her side. It went a little like: 

And then I fell on a rabbit hole. 

And the rest is history. 

Ok some thoughts on gaylor first i guess, and the only reason that has kept me a fan for so long -- i believe she's gay in some capacity like i truly truly believe this and call me delusional or whatever but I AM GAY and i know a gay person when i see them. BUT, unlike a lot of people believe, i don't want her to be some gay icon or whatever. I reaaally don't care if she comes out or says anything about it, as far as i'm concernced she can outwardly say she's strictly into men and i'll go on my merry way CAUSE what i'm here for is the music. That's the core of it. Her lyrics are what drew me into this rabbit hole in the first place, cause let's be honest, who writes "i loved you in secret", "All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation, my hands are shaking from holding back from you", "And it's not theirs to speculate if it's wrong" AND ETC ETC ETC. But this is not a gaylor post.

So yeah, I think she's into girls, I think she's had secret relationships (not even gonna mention kaylor or swiftgron), I think she perfectly knew what she was doing during the whole "you need to calm down" thing. I truly truly believe she was gonna come out during lover era but due to some reason or another she didn't. And that's fine. So yes, unlike many people think, I don't need her to be a gay icon, I don't want her to be an outspoken gay popstar, none of that. I just appreciate her lyrics, and I see her.

So now comes the CONUNDRUM. Being a gay taylor swift fan is uh... hell. It's pretty bad. I guess the same goes for fans of color. Since most of her fanbase is white and straight, they pretty much go for your neck if you don't subscribe to the narrative that's been presented. And that's whatever. I've never liked to interact with swiftie spaces anyway. But the way things have been lately... with a certain TRAVIS... And yes, I am also of the belief most of the guys she's dated were beards LOL. I think the only ones who could be real were John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal and maybeeee Joe Alwyn but I've always been super skeptical of that one, and I only think the previous ones are real based on songs. BUT WHATEVER. 

My point is, maybe I'm growing up but whatever it is I found to be a super fan of her is... gone. Just the other day I was thinking about how it's super jarring to be on tumblr and see a post for Palestine and right beneath it some pictures of Taylor performing the night prior. And that's the thing: she's never been outspoken about anything in her life. Which of course she doesn't have to be, but it's like... it's almost like I am looking at a character, not a real person. And I think that's the point, in a way, to separate her private affairs from her professional life as much as possible, but I don't know how much I can love something that's not even human. What's the appeal of her anyway? She's pretty and charming and has good songs. And? Well then I find myself falling into these holes of thinking like, "I mean taylor is human and it seems that whatever she does, no one will ever be satisfied with it, so it's best that she bends herself in a way that protects her private life", which yes yes that's good.

BUT. I find that many, many celebrities and in general famous, influential people have spoken in one way or another about certain current issues. I understand she doesn't want to bring politics into the table because it's divisive or whatever, but hey, you know which topic she's brought? gay rights. LOL.

Alright well. Yeah. I don't think I could possibly ever be coherent about her in any way, shape or form. She's just a part of my dna at this point, like a concept or a virus. I'll just continue listenting to cowboy like me on loop.