everythng sucks omfg

like bruhhhh istg this whole week keeps giving me a thousand little reasons to just fucking snap and go crazy idk if i can make it to friday

friday's gonna be the final boss of this week i have 2 group activities on friday i got a damn hour-long presentation to do and a home economics activity and i'm the leader of both groups like wtf 

i don't mind leading people and helping them but i only enjoy it when it's people i tolerate LOLLL this is so way out of my comfort zone and i'm not used to it at all

im boutta get real deep here but like i fucking hate when i get upset and my brain conveniently forgets all the positive qualities or things in my life like i  just get utter tunne lvision adn its the worst

even when i try to comfort myslef by thiinking of good things like those good things dont even feel real wtf and i just start feeling much worse and i dont get helped at all

like ok sure.... this week i did learn i got accepted into a scholarship program where 95% of my school fees were fully paid and my report card showed stunning grades but yeah fuck it lets just fucking focus on the responsibilities i dont want to do and the mistakes i keep making. whatever 

my brain doesnt like thinking very deeply i think

i think i always just preferred submerging myself deeper and deeper into my emotions. thinking is so hard i'd rather cry and have a meltdown in my room and break shit rather than wwork through my emotions rationally ( /SARCASTIC )

oh and fuck i like that i keep getting good grades but now theres a pressure on me to keep it up and shit and maintain it or even gt much higher grades and man ill be even more self conscious or panic more and its not fun 

i got good grades while not thinkin gmuch about school and maybe i can do it again but what if i cant do it again

this shit is crazyi hate being conscious of what im doing amd my thughts