a letter to my ex

also putting it on public because i feel like reading someone else's rage can help you feel less alone in yours.

no explanation. no sorry. you used me. you used me KNOWING that i've been in love with you for 6 years. 

i gave you so. many. opportunities to tell me the truth and you avoided it each time. it's funny that you thought i would never find out. like the fact that i live 150 miles away from you was gonna stop me from finding out what was going on. 

i guess i maybe expected too much. i expected you to be a good person, i expected you to be honest, i expected you to treat me with respect. you did none of that. i gave you my whole heart time and time again but you just completely took advantage of that. you took advantage of the fact that i was too weak to let you go.

i guess in a way it's partly my fault. i shouldn't have let you back in again. i should've just blocked you as soon as the follow request came through. i knew how it would end. i knew you didn't have it in you to change but i had so much hope. i held so much hope that maybe you were a good person now. 

i gave you my everything. i gave you so much love and you gave me so much peace. when the world felt like it was falling apart, one look at your face and i felt all the comfort i needed. now when i look at you all i feel is pain and disgust. the love is still there but it's overshadowed by all the hurt you caused me. 

all i want is an apology. that's it. just one word. but i know i'm not gonna get that from you. the fact that i had to get an explanation about what was going on from her makes me feel sick to my stomach. you didn't care about me, you didn't love me. the only reason why you came back into my life was because you felt lonely. you broke my heart and ruined my peace because you felt lonely and then you ran off as soon as something better came along. 

songs that i can't listen to because they make me think about this situation too much:

https://open.spotify.com/track/5UXJzLFdBn6u9FJTCnoHrH?si=P-yer_HCSretG8mRWL_jXw

https://open.spotify.com/track/2mdEsXPu8ZmkHRRtAdC09e?si=OW31um2STVeAZCZreQj3Rg

https://open.spotify.com/track/1WVunZLZM2zLTm5rAvKZkF?si=1Ur513BiThuVgZScH-jf2w

https://open.spotify.com/track/4SqWKzw0CbA05TGszDgMlc?si=1U2_b809SLqNoW2KOKJmUQ

https://open.spotify.com/track/5MAK1nd8R6PWnle1Q1WJvh?si=UpoEHVXZSZaGVSyT5ROOWg