pain

why am i feeling like this? i hate having feelings it makes me feel shitty. when its school time i feel very anxious and scared. what am i even scared of? i cant even speak like a normal person now even if its online or on a call. i kept on stuttering and mess up my words. i hate it i hate it. someone pls hug me and comfort me pls, i cant do this alone i dont wanna feel this emotions i dont wanna live i dont wanna live here i dont wanna socialize i dont wanna speak with people i dont wanna get judged i hate it here i hate living its too exhausting i dont wanna live in this body, i wanna be pretty i wanna be smart i wanna be able to make friends easily . why do i look like this why do i have this type of body? why whwy whwy why whywhywhywhwywhwywhywhywhwywhwy ?????????????????????????????????? why cant i be smart? why do i have a small brain? why am i a slow learner? why cant i try? why am i like this? why am i made this way? i dont know. i dont know myself, do i know myself  do i not know myself? what am i even good at? what am i worth living for? im such a dissapointment i dont wasnna live anymore i justwanna die i dont wanna live its too hard life is hard i dont wanna live anymore pls kill me pls murder me i wanna get hit by a bus pls plks pls psls why do i feel like this? can someone help me pls i need a hug so bad rn pls just someone comfort me. why cant someone help me? i hate life i hate everyone id rather stay in a mental hospital then go to school fuck u fuck u fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i hate you guys i hate you i hope u die. no no no i dont want u to die i wanna die im sorry i didnt meant anything i said im sorry i love you i love u pls help me im going crazy im going insane someone pls help me