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Category: Life

here we go

hello again 

it's been a while since i updated and i haven't been active in some time either, since i went back to school and was pretty busy. i have three days left of the week and nothing planned for the weekend, so i probably won't have much to update on. not that it matters, i don't think my blog is read by anyone but if it was, they'd probably think i use this space to vent which i don't, or at least, i don't like to say vent because it feels depressing. i like to complain about things most people just deal with, because i am a sensitive whiny bitch. 

still, there's not much to report from my life. my friends keep saying slurs, normally i don't care when someone says a slur because people are far too ignorant to educate themselves, but hearing it from my friend hurts, especially when she's sitting right in front of me saying the t slur and looking right at me. she and my other friend said the n word, probably more then once. and idk, it's not like i should care but she's changed so much and i'm tired of all their other shit that this is kinda the end of it for me. but since my whole friend group adores them, i can't just drop them because then i'd be alone and the kids at this school are ruthless assholes. 

so along with that making me feel like shit, i was having a really hard time with fish recently and i reached the phase i get into every year, when i lie in bed daily and cry for hours because i am probably unlikeable or something if fish doesn't love me anymore, my friends are assholes, and i'm feeling like shit because i am nobodies first choice. i cried for days and then dealt with my sadness by talking to like three guys at a time, before realizing it doesn't make me feel good and i'm practically playing these guys since i only want fish. i'm not so sad anymore, i think i got all my tears out along with being sick. i still have a sore throat and blocked nose but i think i'm getting over the sickness now. 

anyway, to end on a positive note, fish and i didn't completely argue and not talk. i was reading our old messages and realized that because i've been so emo lately, hoping that he would ask me if i was okay and comfort me, that i've been making the convos harder for both of us. so, i'm trying not to get sad over him and be more positive when we talk so that he doesn't feel like he has to talk to me and hates it. idk. we talked and didn't argue yesterday, but he was busy today and didn't reply, so idk. maybe we're never going to get past this and he'll stop talking to me. but stay positive, 

finally, i am manifesting that i can attend three concerts next year. i'm definitely going to one, which is p!nk who i don't listen to so much since i was younger, but i'm grateful to be going. if melanie does her trilogy tour in nz, i'm going to do whatever i can to get tickets to go. THEN, cavetown who i don't like that much anymore is coming to nz. but honestly, i think i would still try to go because i wanna go to a concert. so, i'll try my best to get tickets to all. wish me luck!


love blake


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