again with the mental distress

Today was a long day but overall it comes down to: realizing my major sucks and I can't change the past.

Actually that's too melodramatic. Ok life's really not that crazy but I do feel a bit insane. I've been doing an english major for 4 years now, next year I graduate (on account of having to take some classes I hadn't taken previously). So I'm gonna turn 22 now. Most of my friends are already doing their master's degrees on science or whatever and I'm here, still writing about John Steinbeck and literary theories like that matter at all outside uni. I guess it does! Of course it does, but lately I've been on a realism kick and I've discovered I want a future where I actually have money and a decent house and am able to send money to my parents and go on vacation. Like I don't think that's too much to ask.

So I went looking for alternatives. I've always liked biology, medicine as a wide concept, all that good stuff, so I thought hey, why not. Plus I'm currently obsessed with mash so... anyway I looked into nursing or paramedic/emt stuff. The thing is that the whole "helping people" deal is super appealing, but the extra hours, uncertain shifts, 12 hour shifts for that matter... seems like too much. I just want a nice 9-5 where I gotta do whatever and get home to watch my shows. And I don't know how to achieve that.

The thing is that it feels like I should have thought about this stuff before starting uni right? So at like 17. Which if you think about is insane. I barely feel conscious now, how was I supposed to make such an important decision when I was still a kid? It's about deciding your whole future. And I know you can always change what you do (trust, I've done it plenty of times) but, you know, not really! Everyday I feel like I want a new, different thing, and I might never be satisfied with whatever I choose. Such a conundrum, this is.