day 12 of nnn

day 12 of nnn was actually nice in my opinion, woke up at 10 and learned how to make coffee, tasted like shit, i'll try again some other time when i'm home alone, one thing i learned today is that i like the quietness of being alone, typing that out sounds corny but idk how else to put it, was home alone for a few hours, some stupid stuff happened when i was no longer home alone so i decided to go out, it was raining a lot though, i brought my acoustic guitar with me, i had it covered in a towel while it was still inside of its case, i was worried that maybe some rain would slip into the case but it didn't, guitar is still good. i first walked to the out of use car wash for a bit and played my guitar there, i finished making all the riffs for a thing im doing which was nice, stayed at that car wash for a good 45 minutes, once i decided to leave i packed up and just started walking again, walking in the rain is nice, i love it, while i was walking around i just  started to rethink about stuff again, it really is nice to just walk around with nothing but the sound of rain and thoughts, i may have this be a daily thing, its nice to just look back on stuff when in a calm state of mind, idk how to explain what i want to say but basically i just really enjoy, idk man, lifes kind of weird the more i think about it, extremely corny to say ik but still, its odd, you only have one life and if you fuck it up then oh well yk, the constant thought of fucking up and wasting a life is weird, the thought of failing to meet expectations others set for you rather then doing what you want to do is just, idk man, im just talking i guess, im just gonna rant for the remainder of this so, yeah. one thing im scared of is growing up man, life right now isn't too terrible, i just wish it were different yk. i know i have to start taking stuff seriously now but i dont want to, i have to and i will but more often than not i just wont take stuff seriously, idek what im saying kind of just venting about stuff that i wouldnt normally tell to people. havent been able to vent to someone in a good while so im just using this to, dude i really dont know what im typing. idek anymore man, sometimes i wish i wasn't alive, i dont want to yk, commit suicide or anything like that but i just would prefer if i wasn't alive. idk man.