Time Keeps On Slippin'

- Writers block (Lily needs to just go and I can't make her)

- Eating (remembering to eat BEFORE I start feeling sick)

-Time is continually slipping further and further out of a controllable grip (ha, ha) 

A month has slipped by already but maybe that is the good thing about 2021. Maybe time fixed itself and it is going by faster as we expect it to as we age daily, unlike last year where ti seemed to drag on. There are many reasons for it that I might debunk or at least reflect on. 

1. The U.S. doesn't need to keep a tab on the leader of their free union to just make sure we don't go to war with another country. 

     Maybe. That just seems like a pre-2016 thing and I'm not sure that it has anything to do with time, and not just being able to dread something else.

2. The whole Covid thing.

     I mean here in the U.S. we are still struggling with the whole understanding it is something we need to care about. So we're kind of in the same place we were almost a year ago. Perhaps it's a 'used to it' thing. I feel like that should continue the slow down of time. 

3. It could be the 'All Work and No Play' situation

      This could be it. I'm not sure how time works in general. But lately all I've been doing is working (I am incredibly lucky to still be fully employed and I know I am privileged in that way) and having a hard time doing anything. And I don't mean like going out, I mean like when I am done working, on the days I am not working I just want to sleep or sit around and watch Tiktok. I am torn between the idea that this is what your body needs  and it being crushed from any amount of creativity I had once. I have all of these things that i want to write or do and yet I am stuck here sitting in the stew that is nothingness. Youtube, Tiktok, Instagram, I will sit for hours and just... lurk. I thought about making a podcast, but I know that I probably won't. I've slowly been reading books but feel so mentally overwhelmed that it's taking longer than it used to. 

I am feeling that time is moving through me and I'm just existing through part of it. It's already been 2 hours since I've been up and I am still in the same spot working on this post, with Youtube playing in the back ground. It's easier to just sit here and do nothing but the feeling of guilt for not writing poetry, or working on the story I started... I am just feeling stuck. 

I feel stationary in a spiral of time and I only catch wisps of it.