Rant i guess. Uh dont read if u a snowflake?..

This is short. I have to many thoughts to write down anyway even if I wanted to. My brain is constantly fuzzy because of all the thoughts buzzing around nonstop. Sometimes, I just want an off switch. Like when I look in the mirror, and I check the scale. It's been a year, wow. I've never been.. athletic. Never overweight at all, but when I saw the scale telling me I was 116 lbs at 12 years old, I thought I was overweight. Of course, without much thought I started to do little exercises at home, trying to get off my belly budge and thigh fat. But nothing seemed to work. Then, I heard about fasting. And of course, starving yourself. I told myself, I'd never let it become a problem, I have a handle on it. But as I entered high-school, now a freshman, I can openly admit, I have lost my grip on humanity all together. The anger issues, the body image, the questioning of reality when you're just sitting in class. It's too much. I always thought I might have a small eating disorder, but nothing major. Well, now guess who's going to get weight checked and their blood taken because they're weighed at 93 lbs and my bmi is too low? This fucking idiot right here. I think of myself as a hermit. I just, don't go out when friends ask. I make something up, anything to just get away. People are looking at me, eyes burning through my clothing my skin my muscle tissue until I was to claw my skin off myself to get rid of anything they can look at. I still feel fat. I told myself at 100 pounds when I get to 95 I'll be happy. Now I'm saying if I get to 85 I'll be happy. When will it end? I've come close to taking my life, this isn't new to me. I'm a teenager and I'm hormonal, it doesn't help my fucking issues. But lately, my issues are becoming a little too real.