Thoughts

Haven't written a public blog in a while. Everything's just the same, with a little downward spiral. I feel like I'm getting worse. I keep skipping schools n almost got expelled for that. I wish I did tho, I rlly can't stand it anymore. I can't stand waking up in the morning just to feel a wave of embarrassment n anxiety from ppl staring at school. 

I can't stand my enemy, I can't stand my ex-fp, I can't stand my current "friend" who keeps interacting with them. I don't even have friends to begin with.  I just talk to ppl and cling to them for a while. Not enough connection to be considered a friend. I hate talking to other ppl n I'm rlly quiet, which is probably why I can't make friends at school anymore. I used to be rlly talkative in my previous school, when I was a much dumber kid. I always get picked on for that. I answered questions that weren't for me, made weird sounds, overral things that you'd call me the "weird annoying kid" for. Which is true, I was n am weird. N I was hated for that. One time i was rlly excited abt our vocal test n I kept talking abt how excited I was but I was told to "shut up" by the vocal teacher herself... On top of that, I was rlly dumb, I'm always forced to stand up in humiliation whenever I can't answer a math question n that happened EVERYDAY. 

All this probably led to my downfall. I can't speak out anymore. I can't talk abt my feelings. I can't even speak louder than a mice. I've never felt anxiety until I hit puberty. It hurts.

n it gets worse, i feel lonely. i was attached to my only favourite person and she abandoned me. I tried everything i could to get her back but i only made it worse.