why cant i live in reality? [vent]

i wish i could feel like everything iz real but once i go offline i and try to live in reality it doesnt feel real? and itz not something that ive felt only recently, ive been feeling like thiz since i wuz 7. i dont know why but i cant remember much from my childhood, i cant even remember stuff now! i know that im part of a system and i get that one of the problemz w that iz derealization but still. i wish i could feel real and i wish i could live outside of the internet but i spent my whole childhood on here and havent gotten of since. itz painful to think about the future and the internet iz wut would get rid of that feeling in the past but now itz not working az well :(

i just wish i could live in reality.