what to ACTUALLY do if you're not over your ex

This really depends on your relationship with your ex and why you broke up but if you're not over them because you love them even though they treated you like crap then I don't know how to help you. Maybe focus on yourself instead of someone else but I bet you've heard that before. It takes a while to move on but that's okay because good things take time.

anyways, there are multiple things you can do... I will list somethings that I first tried to do and then say what I eventually settled with.

1. Win Them Back

If you think you really have a chance of getting them back then prove it. Whether you broke up on mutual terms and you regret it, you initiated the breakup, or they did, prove that you're worth a second chance. If you initiated a breakup this will probably damage the trust between you two. They think that you don't like them anymore and they're going to keep thinking that unless you do something about it.

If they're the one who broke up with you, then that's gonna be a trickier problem. They could've dumped you for someone else or just because they no longer felt the spark. Try to talk to them about it and see if you can come up with a compromise or if they're willing to give you a second chance. What's important is that you respect their boundaries and know where you stand, a lot of people don't like it when you try to go above and beyond. Even if they reject your second chance, be nice to them and show that you still care about them. This can apply to a mutual break up as well. If that doesn't work, then.... that's what this next step is for.

2. Move on

This is definitely easier said than done but if they have clearly established that they have no intentions of being with you then you know it's time to move on. The only thing you'll be doing by being persistent while they clearly have no interest in you is showing how pathetic you are. (If they're playing 'hard to get' that's a different thing but it's easy to tell if they are and if they aren't. majority of the time, they aren't.)

Moving on takes time and you might even have to talk to them about how you feel about them and be properly turned down in order to feel some type of closure. Maybe you can write down your feelings on a letter but it's important to know you can't hold onto those feelings but instead, think of them as an experience that will help you be in an even better relationship with someone who's actually interested in you.

Moving on may take weeks, months, even years but, eventually you'll get there. Or not, which is what the next and final step is about.

3. Accept it

This...... isn't easy to live with.

This is what I decided to reside by because I've been in love with my ex for 4 years now and I'm the one who broke up with him. Ironic, isn't it?

The reason we broke up isn't important, this isn't about me anyways, I just said that so you know that it's okay to not have moved on but you shouldn't let it make you miserable either.

Accept your feelings. Accept the fact you'll never be with them, accept the fact that they don't like you back. If you're willing to wait that long for someone then someone is willing to wait that long for you. Maybe accepting your feelings will help you live with yourself, maybe it'll help you stop crying yourself to sleep at night or fantasizing that you're still together, maybe it'll even help you move on.

Don't think of your feelings as a curse, think of them as a blessing that you can even feel this way towards someone in the first place.

I just go by the saying "if it's meant to be, it'll be" so I'm willing to wait as long as it takes and if it's not meant to be, I'm sure things will work out at the end. A pessimistic attitude won't get you anywhere, you can't control the way you feel. What you can control is how you let it affect your life; just remember that there is no rules to love.

Well, there is one rule to love:

Don't get a rebound. That's just cruel.

Sometimes it works out but rebound relationships can cause a lot of problems and it's best to just wait until your ready, whenever that day may come.

I'm not sure anyone will even read this but it doesn't matter, this is just something that's been on my mind and i feel like maybe at least one person out there would need to hear this from someone.