Changes

My life was so simple, I went to school, I chilled anxiously and did work, and then I came home and did what I did. But now everything feels different. I don't know if it has anything to do with me turning 18, or maybe it's part of me grieving my sister. I can still remember it all clear as day in my head. But I don't like to linger on that shit. I barely remember everything after her passing, the time between then and now, between April and October. I want to say I feel numb, but that doesn't really cover it, because I also feel like my emotions are so much more than what they used to be. Is this my character development? I don't think I really let myself feel what I was feeling when we found out she was going to die. Maybe it's catching up to me now in a very bad way. It's not all bad though, I might be pathetically sad most of the time, but I'm feeling okay too, I have an actual friend after like two years. But Im finding out I don't really know how friends work anymore, I don't think I did in middle school or early high school either though. Fucking hell. Well, there's my brain laying exposed on some corner of the internet. Thanks.