broke

get up motherfuckers its time to get institutionalized!

im motherfuckers. im one "we don't have enough money" conversation away from losing it.

i dont make money anymore.

its not like im fired. its that im in... unfavorable times. and as long as i don't get hired, im stuck getting my time wasted. i didn't have shifts in october. the things i consider doing just to have money is allarming. im unhappy. i am deeply unhappy.

i wasnt supposed to even be there, future me would've been free. i wouldve lived alone, and it wouldve been difficult. but i wouldve been alone. with no promises i know wont hold on when i become my true self. its harder to pay for a future family scapegoat. they cant accept the fact that im the black sheep, yet they treat me like one. my breakdowns will not be "teen outbursts", they will be breakdowns but only once i'll live alone. my issues will be issues once i take the hand in my treatment. once theyre off my back. 

and with that, theyll learn that their financial promises to the daughter they wanted were all for naught. so i can go to the fucking thrift store. 

who declines to go to the thrift store because of our financial situation? out of all places?

and its not even like a shitty depopified overpriced thrift store. its normal, and stuff are usually around the 6 CAD mark. dirt cheap.

im tired.