VENT

soooo ive been home from school sick for the last two days and i now have missing work and im pretty stressed abt it bc im so used to being caught up,, 

also me and my friends have a rp and i was selected to be the killer in the murder mystery. ik i can ask to give the role to someone else but it landed on the character i was hoping to be murderer and everything,, im just always so bad at, for ex, being impostor in among us. i always give myself away and im scared that my friends are gonna make fun of me for being bad at itttttfttfarigjiqiljhasdvnoasdjnaojdkjndsfwhjrnfqjehnd

not to mention i realized one of my IDOLS who i literally have all her merch and met her irl at a concert this summer,, she stole a song but shes too small of an artist to be "cancelled" so im not really doing anything its just an internal conflict for me. 

and a gender crisis omfgggg. ive been pretty fluid in my gender but i dont wanna beeee!!!! i just wanna stick to one thing so i can trick people into thinking im a cis guy. ive more recently been masc he/him but suddenly im finding myself wanting to do a complete 180 and do she/her and go by a diff name,, its just AUUGGHH

i wanna dye my hair so baddddd. its stuck blonde rn. i cant find a stylist locally who can do the scene cut and ive been searching for a whole year!!!its literally the worst. i cant bleach it bc my mom says no. but i want it bright not dark, im more of a dusty blonde/light brown,, i asked my mom for a hair razor to cut it with ages ago but she hasnt gotten to it yet kdsfkkdfhj.

i feel like i dont know who i am,, like i dont even know my gender who tf am i?? i put on drastically diff personallities with diff friend groups/social media accts and i dont know which one is really me anymore.

if anyone has advice plz i need it.

<3's, larceny