parenthood (tw for abuse)

parenthood

i don't even know how i would discribe my family

they are creeps,

they keep on pressuring me to have a partner,

when im not even prepared for that,

my father especially,

he watches porn secretly,

i kept that as a secret from my mother if that meant i could

stay in his office, playing games that he pirated on his old computer

which im using to write this

my mother one day loves me, the other finds me annoying

she always calls me insane and that i should js go to a mental hospital

each time we argue for she is right in everything ever

i also live with my grandparents and they are even worse.

my grandmother keeps on looking at my weirdly,

my grandfather yells and threatens me if i dont keep my posture straight when i walk past him

my father once yelled at me and called me a dissapointment yet

i still want them to love me,

i still want them to have a child they can be proud off,

i still want them to be proud of me no matter what,

i just want to feel wanted by them

to fit in

but i cant

they'll never leave me alone

illl forever rot with them