whore (HUGE tw for grooming)

• as im writing this,
• its 2 am in the morning,
• my room is a mess, trash everywhere
• and as i write this, i begin to wonder
• what would have happened that day
• what would have happened if i didnt cry on my bathroom floor out of guilt
• what would have happened if my friends at the time didn't shame me and leave me for showing off my privates
• what would have happened if my phone wasn't smashed by my father
• would i still be the same person as i am now?
• would my ''friends'' still be there for me this day and not distance themselfs from me
• did i even move on from it or do i lie to myself everyday, saying that it didn't happen

i cant even take a shower properly anymore