I work at a coffee and bagel shop. It's really great, I love working there a lot. We have many bagel options and we have many sandwich options, and we also have many regulars. There's Ann, an old lady who orders such a specific drink so regularly that she has her own drink in the register (iced Earl Gray tea, one shot of espresso, sugar free vanilla, and honey). There's the one or two people who always order their food for here instead of to-go, and then there's WHOEVER KEEPS ORDERING THE GUTTED BAGELS.
What's a gutted bagel? EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. You take a bagel, you take your hands (gloved, because we are a respectable establishment), and you rip out the bread of the bagel, leaving it an empty shell of bagel skin. It feels so wrong to do, so visceral. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I have been telling people about the gutted bagel ever since someone ordered one on my second day of training, and even more so after I had to gut one myself a month ago. A new full-timer I was talking to described gutting a bagel as traumatic and I wouldn't go that far but it certainly is close. I think this is partly because the gutted bagel is called gutted. It's such a gory word. You could have called it hallowed bagel and I bet I wouldn't feel as horrible hallowing out a bagel. But GUTTING a bagel? my god. I feel like i've committed a crime.
Why would you gut a bagel anyway? My theory is that some people order bagels with cream cheese to experience the bagel and the cream cheese, and some people order bagels with cream cheese as a device to deliver them the cream cheese. This is why people order the cream cheese thick, which I love because then i get to put horrid amounts of cream cheese onto a bagel. Gutting a bagel leaves more room for the cream cheese.
Ok, fine, I can understand that. I could just eat pumpkin chocolate chip cream cheese forever. But here's something I don't understand: Gutted bagel breakfast sandwich. We have breakfast bagels that people love a lot and they're pretty good but the gutted bagel makes no sense as a breakfast bagel. We butter the bagel (which is difficult with a gutted bagel), and then put egg and a meat and cheese of the customer's choosing on it. imagine biting into a perfectly fine breakfast bagel and the bagel is HALLOW. AND TOASTED. WOULDN'T IT SCRAPE YOUR GUMS???? WHY?? WHY WOULD YOU ORDER THAT WHY AND WHO I KNOW ITS THE SAME COUPLE PEOPLE BECAUSE WE ONLY GET A GUTTED BAGEL TWICE A MONTH I KNOW ITS THE SAME PEOPLE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS
in case you don't believe me I saved the receipt: