I think I'm genuinely going insane

Like sociopath insane

Like bpd insane

Like manipulator/liar insane

Lately some stuff went down and I have no idea if people even want me here and I hate not knowing what people are thinking

How am I supposed to know if they hate me or like me?

Like, if I leave them alone does it come off as me avoiding them? Or do they want me to avoid them? Am I coming off as an attention seeking asshole?? Or do people understand that I'm filling the silence with words because i don't want the conversation to die? Am I annoying? Or just stupid? 

And again with this bullshit where I look back on the traumatic shit that's happened and go: "Woah maybe I'm just being over-dramatic" and "I'm the problem."

Did they even say that shit? Am I just delusional? Christ on a fucking stick I need to remember to take my fucking med even though they don't do shit.