MY STUPID FCUKING LIFE?!?!?!?!

Y'ALL I AM SO TIRED! IT'S COLD, I'M HUNGRY, THERES NO ELECTRICITY, NO HOT WATER, ALL THESE DOGS, I HAVE NO FRIENDS RN, NOWHERE WILL HIRE ME, MY PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED, AND LIFE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so done. I am done with being here, being me, being alive, being Abygail. I wish i didn't live in isolation, but talking to people is such a chore. The one friend i do have doesn't share any of my interests, so I'm completely reliant on my younger sister (17) to be all of my human interaction. None of my basic needs are met, and I'm too damn suicidal to do anything about it. 

Listen. my ENTIRE life has been a constant downward spiral into poverty and madness. I've been living life by the short end of the stick and now i'm 19 and i don't know what to do anymore. I'm talking to a case worker i have to help me get access to resources to actually survive the winter, but i'm still at that point where the only advise anyone will give me is to move out. And yes. I KNOW i should, but i'm concerned about my mental state, and the fact that i'm entirely dependent on my family to survive, since when left to my own devices, i tend to let myself rot. 

After trying to meet people online, and in real life in the search of help, i realize as i'm writing this that maybe i just want... normal friends. people who make ME feel normal. someone to do normal things with. is that too much to ask?