I Love the Sound of Gun Shots 24/7…NOT!

Hello, y’all!

New place, new group! It's the year 2021 and I'm living in an apartment...who woulda thunk! I certainly did not imagine this. Okay, let's set the scene up! This place is on the 3rd floor of the building, the top floor. The view from each room was the great parking lot that was filled with bad activity from the neighbors surrounding us. We're the middle door of the floor, I think. You walk in and are automatically in between the small kitchen (left) and dining room(right). Straight ahead was the kids' room, which was now my room. To the right was the laundry closet that had the washer/dryer. Next to that was Pudge's room, which turned into the kids'(all 3 together) room. In front/across from that was the bathroom, which was to the right of the dining room, far right from the front door. Back in the middle, to the left of my room is the small living room. It had a door to the balcony, decent size. To the left of the living room was Bill's (my aunt) room, the master bedroom. That's pretty much it...now you know the layout! It seemed like a perfect size for them! But, adding me to the mix was something else. I went from a house to an apartment, half the size! But, hey I'm eternally grateful...I could've been left on the streets...like a dog, lol.

One of my first memories was moving into this place. So, my aunt and cousins were already living here and I moved in at the beginning of September 2021. Moving in was an easy process. All I brought was 2 bags worth of clothes, some books, and some shoes. We were unsure what was happening next with my house, like if we were gonna sell it or keep it. Or if I was gonna fully move in with Bill. We were just taking things one day at a time. I already knew they lived on the 3rd floor, but I had never been up there before. I've been to this apartment many times to pick up and drop off my cousins, with my mom countless times...just never seen the inside. When I first arrived I was happy because I was gonna be with my family again after being alone for a week. I was greeted by my aunt's boyfriend at the time. I was shocked because he really looked like me! (I'll go into that more later, lol). He helped us bring my stuff up. Dear goodness...walking those long flights of stairs was horrible. Even though I was over COVID, it was still hindering me. I was huffing and puffing on the 2nd floor. I eventually made it up! I was shown my new room and I settled in. My room was a pretty good size! I was already planning on how I was gonna put my posters up in it, lol. My first meal there was P. Terry's Burgers which we picked up. The taste was off, but I wasn't really hungry either. Pudge and I watched some YouTube videos while we enjoyed our meals. The night ended with me going to my room. 3 things stuck out to me: I had a lock on the door...first time ever having one. I had my privacy! Not that I was doing anything but it made me feel grown, lol. I had a fan in the room. At my house, all we had was a fan in the living room. So, I thought this was cool, that I could have the fan on during the night! and lastly, dear goodness...the apartment was cold! The thermostat was right outside my room. It was set at 68 F or sometimes lower. No wonder I was a popsicle! I was used to 75-77 F at all times at my house. The night ended with me crying because this was now my new life. Welp...

My next big memory was battling my fear of Fitzie, my aunt’s cat. Like I mentioned before, I used to be extremely afraid of her…I couldn’t even be in the same room as her. This goes for all animals but mainly dogs and cats. Nothing happened to me whenever I was younger, just never liked them and then that grew into an extreme fear. I’ve known Fitzie ever since she was little and joined my aunt’s family in 2013. Back then, I’d cry if I was in her vicinity and such. Moving in with my aunt, she told me that I’d just have to get used to her. Which I knew.m, I was just scared of the process. The first few weeks were really rough. I wouldn’t go to the bathroom because she would be roaming and then I’d have to pass her. Nope, couldn’t do it. Then, they’d let her roam whenever we’d watch movies…still couldn’t do it…I’d cry. Fitzie didn’t do much…just rub on our legs. It just grossed me out and scared me. Near the end of our stay at the apartment, I got used to her. Sort of! She’d be sitting next to my aunt, just sprawled out. I’d sit next to them and pet her. She would just lay there and not do anything. That calmed me and made me realized…she’s calm. Then we would watch TV together…she’d be on one end of couch and I’d be on the other. Still not fully used to her then, but I could be near her…so that was something and an improvement!

Oh my gosh, here at this place…I felt like I was getting shot every night! I got so used to hearing gunshots every night that I sort of missed it whenever I moved. At my previous houses I have never heard so many shots…maybe 1 every once in a blue moon, it was rare. And here…we heard them several times a night. It’s crazy how my cousins and aunt were so used to them. My aunt would yell, “get away from the windows!”. I was just freaked out because it sounded like war out there. Lots of criminal/gang activity at that apartment. Even driving into the complex, my aunt told us not to look at the people that stared at us. Which…with her telling me that made me want to look at them even more. Pshhh. I would secretly look at this one guy. Some tatted up white guy that always stared…I was infatuated! Anyways…so many gun fights happened. One time, the whole apartment building next to us was flooded with cops…at least 15 cop cars and also some ambulances. We found out one of the guys got killed over there. Insane.  

Here was where I had a friend visit me at home for the first time…like someone I actually cared for/real friend! I was still getting over COVID and stuck at the apartment. My friend was in the area shopping at Five Below. We joked around for her to come over and visit me. She asked for the address and well she actually came. I was surprised, happy, and embarrassed. This wasn’t the place I’d want anyone to come by…due to the criminal/gang activity that happened downstairs in the parking lot, right outside the building, plus with the shootings and such. Since I was still symptomatic we had to socially distance ourselves. She came up and it was so exciting to see her! She brought me snacks. I wish I could’ve hugged her! She’s so great! We visited for a bit and she left.

A little funny memory that happened here was I DoorDashed something for the first time. I had always want to do that but had no reason to. I was so scared to because apparently the apartment we lived in never showed up on those apps. I ordered Popeyes because I had been craving it. And what do you know…it got delivered to the wrong place. I was so mad. I don’t think the person even tried because I was texting them the whole time, lol. I complained and got a refund. It eventually got delivered to me…it was such a frustrating yet fun experience! I had many things for the first time here! I didn’t realize I was quite the sheltered one at my previous house. I don’t see it as a bad thing, but some people do. Like, at least I’m experiencing things now!

Back to try aunt’s boyfriend looking like me subject, lol. So, before I moved in, like less than a month before we all got sick, my aunt called my mom one day. They always talked on the phone to catch up or to tell each other stuff. This time my aunt was telling my mom about her new boyfriend. She was telling her (us/bc my mom had her on speaker so I could hear everything) about how she was dating 2 guys but she ended up with this guy. She wanted us to meet him because she knew we’d all get along. My mom asked what did he look like and my aunt went silent then laughed. She was like, “uh he looks like Zelly!”. We were both shocked and just laughed. She never sent a picture of him at the time, but I could just imagine if we looked similar. We were supposed to meet but then we all got sick and yeah. He was around a lot and spending the night a bunch, practically living there. He was cool! He was young too, lol. Along with looking like me, we seemed close in age. I think we had a 9 year age gap…still! He spoiled me, haha. It was fun being spoiled again…I had missed it! Oh gosh, he’s not much of a cook…we discovered that here. He was so excited to make tater tot casserole. Which was my first time eating such a thing…sounded like a white mom Pinterest meal. He made so much and whenever he cooked it in the oven, it was just one big mound. Whenever it was “finished”, he took it out and served us. It was so bad…I only had a couple of spoonfuls. On top of that…it was still frozen! Anyways…more on him in the next post.

I won’t go into much here but, here and the previous house was where I got the calls about my family passing. Very big memories that hurt really badly, but I feel like it should be in a separate post, I guess. 

Man…the one holiday was weird here. My first Thanksgiving not at home. Thanksgiving was a holiday that was always spent at my house, wherever we were at. My house was the gathering place of all of the family members(my aunt/cousins and my godmother/her kids). There’s usually 15 people at my house on that day and we never have enough room. This time I spent it here. I was asked to go to my godmother’s house and I wanted to, but I knew it would’ve hurt me even more. Thanksgiving has never felt so lonely. Just me, my aunt, her bf, and Pudge. We had ordered a Popeye’s turkey for the first time. Which was really good! Nothing tasted the same because my grandma always did the cooking. She would wake up at 4am to start prepping. My aunt did the same…well woke up at around 6 or something. It’s a Thanksgiving lunch that we have so, everything is made in the morning. For the first Thanksgiving with just us, it went well. It was fun introducing my aunt’s bf to our food we usually ate on that day…he loved it! There were a couple things that were missing because we didn’t know how to make it because my mom/grandma never gave us the recipe. We’re still unsure if we ever want to attempt to make it or leave it in the past, since it was theirs…I don’t know.

I felt so out of place here. I know it’s my cousins and all but I didn’t feel welcomed. It’s nothing bad I guess. For the first few weeks, I spent a lot of time in my room. I was sad, tired, and just lost. My cousins are so loud. Like they yell whenever they play their games and they argue with each other. Well, I over heard them say that they wish they had their room back because there’s no room left. And when I heard that…my heart broke and I lost it. I just started crying. Like, I just lost everyone and now I’m not wanted. Yes, I know I’m being dramatic I guess, but still that hurt me. I called my mom’s best friend and my godmother, separately and told them that I need to get out of there because obviously they don’t want me here. They both offered me to stay at their place because they both cared for me and welcomed me with open arms. They also suggested I talk to Bill about it and see what she says. I was so scared to talk to her. Like, it’s a simple problem and all I have to do is bring it up. I went to her room and sat on her bed and talked to her. I told her that I felt like a waste of space (referenced already 2 posts ago) and that I wasn’t needed. She assured me that my cousins didn’t mean it and they were just saying things. She said that they all love me very much and obviously took me in because they cared about me. I felt a little better. She said she’d talk to them in the morning and such. After that, I had no more problems. I know I was being dramatic, looking back at it, idk. But, feeling not wanted is not fun. I just wanted to be loved and such.

You know how I mentioned I experienced a lot of new things while living there. I also discovered new things that I never gave a chance before. One thing is music. I have a wide range of music on my playlist. But, I’m also particular with my music too. Being around my aunt a lot because she wasn’t working for a period of time, we were always driving in the car together…going to places or picking the kids us from school. I’ve already heard a bunch of her music from being in the car with her before. A new artist I fell in love with, hahaha was…Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. I’ve heard the name and just knew to stay away from them. I don’t my mom had any of their music and I just never looked them up. And oh my gosh…they have some good music! I ended up adding almost every song from their E. 1999 Eternal album! I even wanted a poster of Bizzy Bone at one point, lol. Still…I’ve added a handful of songs because of my aunt!

The last memory here is…moving. It was so tiring! Especially since we lived on the 3rd floor. Thank goodness I didn’t have to move the big things, but still. And then it started raining a bit, nooooo. We got it done all in one day. We moved things from my house and the apartment, all to the next house. One funny thing was moving the mattresses. Moving mine/the kids mattress was such a mess. On the last thing of stairs, they literally just threw it and it almost hit me. All I saw was bed coming at me and then I moved hahaha, even though I was filming it. The moving day ended with some pizza at a place in Pflugerville and then settling into the “new” house. 

That concludes this blog post! I hope you enjoyed it and hope you’re excited for the next post which will be the house that I’m currently living in right now as I’m writing these posts!

Until next time,

Zelly :)