my first post <3

I can't believe it's 2023

I wonder if I'm typing into the void. I wonder if anyone will ever see this.

I've always had my head in the clouds and my nose in a book. But somewhere along the way, I lost that part of myself. I finished high school, went abroad to university and got my bachelor's degree. 

The summer after I graduated, I sent out job applications. I got a job offer, but something about it didn't feel right. So, I applied to law school, did the usual campus tours, and got accepted to every university I applied to. Lucky me, right? 

Yeah, well. Guess what? That sneaky feeling crept in again. Did I really want to devote the next couple years of my life to studying something I wasn't even sure I cared about? What if I died tomorrow? Would I have died happy? Fulfilled? If I'm not content on a daily basis, then what's the point? Life is what's happening right here, right now. Not in some distant, idealised future.

I ended up rejecting all my offers, and went back to square one. I flew home and moved back in with my family. I couldn't sit still and do nothing, so I started job hunting again. I couldn't find a position that fit me, so I decided to look for a degree that I actually liked. I did this job/degree circus routine about a hundred times within the past year, and nothing worked out. I eventually got so frustrated trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing that I crashed and burned. 

I completely gave up on being an adult and just let myself regress. I picked up things I used to love as a kid, mainly video games, cartoons, and writing stories. I stopped caring about what I was 'supposed' to be doing, and I just did whatever I wanted to do. Like I mentioned, I got back into writing. Nothing serious, just filling out my journals with fantasy and adventure. I didn't have a plan for the story, it was purely for my own entertainment.

Fast forward a few months; my best friend came to visit me from Germany. One day, we were going through all of my old things, including journals from my school days. I suddenly thought about showing her my story. I've always been shy about my writing, and she'd only ever seen an excerpt from a novel I abandoned years ago, but she was really enthusiastic about the idea.

So, with shaky hands and a racing heart, I handed her my journal, and we went through it together. We spent a good hour and a half flipping through the pages, reading and giggling; through it all, I felt like I wasn't even in the room. 

When she got to the last page, she gasped. She gushed about all my characters, and begged me to tell her more about them. She grabbed me and told me she simply needed to know what happened next.

I was floored. I couldn't believe someone actually cared about the drivel I'd written. I never thought my story was capable of having a single fan, let alone an entire fanbase. But the way she reacted that day really lit a fire within me. 

What if I put this story out into the world? What if the universe in my head actually existed in this world, and not just in the pages of my journal?

With a tentative belief in myself (for the first time in my life), I began writing in earnest. I decided to dedicate every waking moment to my writing, and what a monumental decision that was. 

I have now finished my first manuscript and am working on the second book in the series. Yes, series. It's a YA fantasy adventure series and man, is it wholesome. It's the kind of stuff I wish I could've read growing up. I have no plans to publish at the moment, I just want to get the whole story out first. I know that's not the traditional way of doing things, but that's how I want it to be.

To make a long story short, I have decided to pursue writing full-time, and realise my childhood dream of being an author. It's the one thing I've done that has felt right to me. 

I believe God puts certain desires in our heart and has given each of us specific strengths for a reason. I'm sure these books are only a small part of His plans for me. I really don't know where I'll be six months from now. All I know is, whatever else He has in store for my life is far bigger than I could ever ask or imagine.

He continually guides us through the people He puts in our lives. He gave me my best friend to show me that I actually have something of value to offer to the world. He gave me an identity that isn't defined by my accomplishments, degrees, or job titles. He helped me to see myself the way He has always seen me. And for that, I am so very grateful.

Thank you, Abba. 

I love you <3