Diary Entry #3: 10/22/2023

I often wonder if there is ever a point to me writing things like this. Who cares really? I don't say that to be pessimistic, I ask that honestly. Who would care about random persons worries, thoughts, cares. Should they care? I don't know. Life has been hard. I haven't gone to school in months. I miss it, but I'm too ashamed. Ashamed to show my face anywhere. Not for any particular reason really, I just can't help but feel so annoying and out of place. I want to get better about that. Sometimes I force myself to walk to the closest 7/11 to just get some fresh air. Thats as far as I seem to go though. My boyfriend's house too! Thats father than that 7/11...so that's something. I find myself reminiscing on everything I know will never come back to me. I am so hung up about all that I've lost, I probably never take the time to appreciate all that I have now. I don't think I let myself feel my emotions very often. I either intellectualize them or simply think it's wrong of me to feel them. Thats dumb. I think I am a very dumb person. For someone who thinks so much I never seem to make any progress in my life or goals. I am a dog chasing its own tail. That was kinda emo lmao...