♡ 10:11》 A woman who is tired

》i write this from my extremely gentrified office space

》why do people use me as a sounding board for their opinions on the world? do i represent all people who look like me? cause if so i would like a benefits plan that matches the job description, because i work 24 hours a day.

》having to codeswitch, micromanage every facial expression and emotion, dumb myself down, keep myself quiet, let everything roll off my back is exhausting

》i don't ever get a break from trying to make my black femininity palatable for everyone else, and the more easy to digest i make myself, the less respect i have for myself, the less power i carry within my soul

》sometimes i don't recognize myself at all

》my rage is boiling beneath the surface of a passive smile, and my discomfort edges at the side of the cliff of indifference

》i can sweat it out, but i can never express, so it never goes away, only steadily building

》i can only choose strength because I cannot afford weakness, the repercussions for me are far too great

》i will keep working to become undeniable, and one day the world won't have such a chokehold over me. i will have my own success and identity separate from what this world thinks i am supposed to be

》i guess im built for it but i wish i didn't have to be so strong all the time

》and as a woman you can't just be strong in the tradional sense, you have to be graceful, tasteful, beautiful, well spoken, well kept, young, have a body that conforms to the status quo, smart but not too smart, keep your true feelings unheard

》and no this isn't a dick measuring contest, but strength must be presented in a specific box

》i never fit it with any label, or group, i have never shared the same opinions as everyone who looks like me. i am a chameleon who changes shape to make everyone around me comfortable 

》i fucking hate it and i fucking hate expectations 

》let's stop putting the ball in each other's court, we are all adults and i shouldn't have to educate or baby people my age or even 40 years my senior on how to act

》stop the cappery yall

》{Bobbie has left the chat}