being a lesbian in the south is honest to god one of the most isolating experiences ever

like... i mean, it's not the end of the world exactly, but god. i'd be lying if i said that i didn't feel ostracized from my irl peers because of it. it feels like everyone's getting a boyfriend left and right, and i'm just kinda... there.

and i mean i HAVE tried dating a few guys back in the day but... i dunno how to explain it without sounding mean, but i just felt so... gross! like something CLEARLY wasn't right here. i just couldn't put my finger on it exactly. (okay it's obvious now LOL but i'm just saying.) 

additionally i am kinda aromantic, i just don't exactly know where i fall on that spectrum, so me just going around and trying to rizz up girls at school before REALLY getting to know them is out of the question. and i don't know how i'd feel about long-distance relationships, too. maybe this is just me being picky, or my brain being kinda funny, i dunno. but whatever the answer is, it doesn't help that this is a teensy weensy bit of a problem i'm having at the moment.

and maybe it's also me just not having very much lesbian friends (both irl and online)? i know that's also pretty dang specific, but still. i think it'd be nice to know others who are also in the same pickle as me.

oh yeah, speaking of being in the south as a lesbian... GOD!!! i live in a really conservative area. it's not super bad thankfully (i can go outside with dyed hair and the worst reaction i'd get is a couple of older folks giving me the stink eye, take that as you will), but i don't really think it's the best idea to be super open about my orientation. plus my parents are mad homophobic too (LOL ;_;). and lots of people in my grade aren't the most tolerant of the lgbt to put it lightly.

but anyways, i'm kinda struggling to get my thoughts out correctly. what i'm trying to say is that i just wish i could experience teen romance. i wanna have a homecoming proposal. i wanna go get ice cream with my partner and share my deepest thoughts with them. is that kinda corny? yeah. but it'd be nice! i wish people in my state were more accepting. and that there were more lesbians my age around here.

i don't really know how to end this properly, but if you're also goin' thru this... then i get ya 100% 💪💪 we just gotta stay hopeful... or something!