Mice + Cousins are What Make A Home!

Hello, y’all!

Woah, another home already! This time we’re moving into my first ever mobile home. It comes equipped with 3 bedrooms for me, my parents, and my grandma. You walk in and it’s pretty open. To the right is the living room and the door farthest to the right is my grandma’s room. This time she has the master bedroom! Back to the front door again, to the left was an open space…meant for a dining room but it was filled with random stuff, we accumulated/lugged around. Through the walkway straight ahead was the kitchen. It was a huge kitchen with lots of counter space. It was an open wall/bar type to the right, so you can see into the living room and vice versa…which I thought was so cool. While in the kitchen, there’s another door to the right, which was the laundry room and back door. Walking out of the kitchen and to the right was my mom’s room and to the right of that was my room, plus a bathroom too. That’s the general layout of the house…now onto the many memories!

One huge memory is when my cousins moved in right next door. Not the 3 main ones but my godmother’s family. They were my next favorite group of cousins because 2 of her kids were near my age. My godmother (whose nickname is Frog) is technically my cousin, I guess. She’s my mom's cousin. My godmother’s mom was my grandma’s sister but raised her, so she called her mom and we called her, Tia Mom. Anyways, having them live right next to us was so fun. I could visit my cousins anytime I want. I was close with Daphney, she was the same age as me, and I’m just a few months older. Frog had 5 kids already, with the youngest being 2 or so and, the oldest being late 20s. She ended up having 2 more kids while living here, twin boys, Jefferson and Jeremy. My first time dealing with twins in the family! Daphney and I ended up hanging out a lot while we were neighbors. We used to walk to the mailbox together once we both got home from school, it was around the bend on our street. We’d hang out in her room and just talk about life. We also loved hanging out on the green electrical box that was between our houses. She’d invite her friends over, so I’d get to talk and hang with them. One of my favorite memories with her friend was we were bored one time and we literally planned out a whole music video. The song, We Are Llamas by Three Loco and Diplo, was popular at the time and we were bumpin’ it a lot. So, we planned a MV that was similar to the original MV. We planned the whole production…lighting, costumes, models, and lots of corn on the cob, haha. We never ended up doing it but it was super fun planning it. Another big memory was me, Daphney, and her friend Amber, we’re hanging out. It was sometime after a holiday with fireworks. We were sitting outside and we spotted a firework in the grass. It was unused and the color was washed out from the sun, so we couldn’t tell what it was. My cousin thought it’d be a great idea to light it. And omg, that thing blew up like a big explosion. It popped like 4 times or so, it felt like we were getting shot at. We just charged towards the house, escaping the shrapnel of the firework. We all got hit a little bit, but we all escaped with no major injuries. Thank gosh! We just laughed it off as we realized we were good and safe!

A bad memory that happened here was a “huge” fight between my dad and I. It was an argument that ended with me crying. Not even sure how it started but the main topic was him saying he’d throw me out on the street and disown me if I turned out to be gay. Remember how back in Round Rock, I was called a lesbian and such…well it popped up again. No one called me that but, the topic of me being with someone of the same sex did. At this time, my dad was going through a religious journey of finding a religion for him. He ended up with one that was like a hardcore version of Christian evangelical or something. Anyways…he changed a lot. He started being more stern or maybe that’s not even the word. He just got more angry or something. Anyways, the convo just kept going in circles saying he would just abandon me. That he didn’t care if he lost his only child. I was just so amazed and shocked that he wouldn’t care. That’s it…me crying in my mom’s arms and she tried to explain/translate to him that what he’s saying is hurtful and how could he do such a thing. She told me to just drop it and to not bother going further with it because it’ll make him more angrier. So, that was a not-so-fun memory!

Oh goodness, this was our last house that ever had rats...mice...rodents, whatever...disgusting pests! Not sure when we started to notice them but I remember seeing them scurry in the kitchen at night. Little balls of fur, just running from the front "dining room" to under the fridge or in the pantry. Ew, so gross! Oh my gosh, one time, I had my big coat in the kitchen on a chair. Well, we could hear the mice squeak and stuff. My mom shook my coat and out fell a mouse! Like, imagine if I had put it on...it would've touched me. Ugh! Oh my gosh, one time I was walking into my bedroom and I saw a grey ball of fluff on the floor. I thought it was dryer lint because sometimes it landed outside of the trash can when I threw it away. Either way, it was definitely not dryer lint...it was a baby mouse. It was barely moving because it was dying or something. I was literally gonna step on it because I thought it was lint! I was scared of it, so my mom ended up picking it up and putting it out of its misery...by putting it in a plastic bag and...slamming it against the door frame. She didn't really care about that stuff, so she was fine with it. But, I was disgusted...not by the act but because it was a mouse...in my room! We ended up telling the landlords and they got us glue traps and these wall plug-ins that send frequencies to them to keep them away. It ended up helping. But, even after they left, I was still on guard, haha.

So, I mentioned that I had a room at this house. Well, even though it was mine and had my things in it. Guess what?! I still never slept in it. Not even ashamed...still! I shared a room with my grandma. My dad eventually moved in with us at some point. It was funny seeing my dad occupy my room with my things in it. It eventually got taken over with his clothes and church things, but eh, it was till majority of my things. Especially the bright pink Christmas string lights I had hanging in there because it was very Tumblr of me! My excuse for sharing a room with my grandma was to help her with her low sugar at night. That was also my excuse in Manor, I had my own room but my dad took over that one too. So, it was my duty to get up and get her milk, yogurt, or orange juice. It was fun sharing a room with her. We used to go to sleep a little late because we would watch Doctor Who together. But, it was also pretty lame sharing a room with her. I couldn't go to bed as late as I wanted to. I'd have to "sneak" into the room and be extra quiet. Plus, she was a snorer and was super loud...well, I put up with it the whole time, haha.

This house was a big part of me becoming who I am today...okay maybe not that but! This house was where I went from 8th grade to high school. In 8th grade, I fell in love for the first time, which was fantastic but also heartbreaking. In the period of a year, my feelings for someone who I've known since I was 3 or so, just went berserk and turned into love feelings. I'll go into that more later, AH! The summer between 8th and 9th grade was fantastic, I felt awesome, I can't even explain it, haha. I'm pretty sure because social media and music were at their "peak" in my life...I just felt very alive. I'm not even sure why I felt like that...I didn't do anything. I wasn't out partying or anything. Man...but freshman year of high of high school, was so great. I'm pretty sure I was at this house until mid junior year of high school. My high school experiences are for another string of posts, because oh my gosh. Nothing crazy happened, but it was fun. Made many great friends, had awesome crushes on people, and lost a couple friends on the way. This house was filled with lots of ups and downs, throughout the 3 years of high school I was here for.

Another bad/sad memory that happened here was when my mom was admitted to the hospital. I think she was there for a month or so...in the ICU and stuff. Very traumatizing for me. Especially the last couple of weeks here at home, before she went in. This is for another post, but in the end, I was so happy when she came home. It's pretty interesting...I think after this hospital visit, that's when I became inseparable from her...even more. 

What's a bizarre memory that I remember is whenever I wanted to start binding my chest, while here. I have never been a fan of myself. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, pictures, or even listen to myself in recordings (who does, really?). Either way, there was a long period of time when I wanted to bind. I also, think this was when I was starting to "get a chest". Ugh, I can't even talk about it because it disgusts me, haha. I feel like I told my mom about it, but I'm not even sure how I went about it. I knew I could bind for long periods of time...I did a lot of research. I remember even looking up button-up shirts for my new flat chest I was going to have in no time! Well, that never happened! I remember my dad making a comment about me looking at those shirts, they were for boys not for me. That's not the reason why I never went through with it though. I just eventually dropped the idea.

Oh gosh, another not-so-pleasant memory was when I told my mom I wish I wasn't alive. I told her that her life would've been easier if I had never existed. The subject of me being an "accident" came up, not sure if I brought it up or someone else did. But, I went into a spiral of how I wish I didn't exist. That I was a nuisance to the world and that I took up too much space in life and everyone around me. Funny, I felt like this again years later (2 years ago), whenever I moved in with my aunt. Anyways, my mom just sat there talking to me, for what seemed like a long time, going in circles about why I was useless and a bother. She told me if I really felt like that then I needed to be checked out by a doctor. The thought of me leaving her was out of the question...I couldn't leave her. She said that was the only way for me to get help if I had been feeling that way. I got my act together and forgot about it. Leaving her was an even worse nightmare. Because I was scared that if I was admitted to a hospital, they would find something else wrong with me and then keep me longer. <- Which my mom mentioned that could happen. Either way...never brought it up again!

Well, that concludes this blog post. Man...it seems like this house was filled with more sad/bad memories than good ones. I promise it wasn't...I don't think so, huh. Well, anyways...onto the next house! The house by the rodeo, is what I called it, it's also the last one I lived in with my family. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this blog post!

Until next time,

Zelly :)