"Am I....mediocre?" THE CROWD GOES WILD 🔥

Yeah, yeah ik...it's ME again. Hi. :)

*PSA: I say the word "cool" in this blog like 500 times. I'M SORRY!

Everyday I somehow manage to have a crisis. Whether it's about my gender, body-image, social life, or simply the way I act. I have NEVER known peace. (There was no way I could make this sound happy LOL)

Today's obsession is...  

*drumroll*

Insecurity #39,555,378.82. 

Aka my personality.

HEAR ME OUT. I've always had issues with...basically everything about myself but lately this weird voice that's always been around, has gotten MUCH louder.

Am I really a basic bitch??? DON'T LIE TO ME!! 

Idk if I've just been sort of delusional in regards to how I've thought about myself, but after interacting with so many cool people for so long, I don't think we're on the same level.

I KNOW. Comparison is the thief of joy, or so they say, but I wouldn't be myself if I didn't do it. 

My mindset for a while had been "There will always be SOMEONE better than me, in SOME way, so why care?" and though I still believe that to be true, I can't help but feel like my genre of "cool" isn't good enough, nor is it socially acceptable, ya know? 

People observe my style and perceive me as "cool" but when it comes to conversation and my life or how I act...I feel like I'm boring. I'm not some super extroverted person who always says the right things and lives in a big house that you can party at. 

I'm like 30% cool when it comes to the social aspect and that's the most important part of coolness; Being "fun to hang out with and talk to." 

(What i'm saying is, you could think you're cool but if you're not "accepted" socially, does it really matter?)

All of this is mostly why I enjoy being friends with neurodivergent people. There's not so much pressure to be "impressionable." You just link up, enjoy yourself, and that's it. There's no deeper meaning, nor is there this existential pressure to be the loudest and the best at "hanging out." I don't think I'm on the spectrum, I'm just socially inept, but sadly that's enough for me to seem "boring" to people and I hate it. I feel like a fraud and as if my entire social life has been false advertisement.