I hate being alone. (rant/vent)

I hate not having anyone. I'm not sure why I don't. Maybe it's because I don't talk much? Maybe it's because I don't look approachable? Maybe it's because I don't know how to socialize?

I always see people romanticizing or wishing that they didn't have to worry about others, but I have been alone for the past 6 years and it has taken the worst toll on me. I just recently started to get used to it. I don't dwell on other's lives because it's something I can't have, and I know that, but I still hate it. I want to experience normal teenage things, I want to go out to the mall with a group of friends, I want to go out to eat with someone, I want to experience something I've never been able to experience. I see people take others for granted or immediately find someone else to replace the person that they once knew, and I wish I had that ability. It angers me that they can just find another person, that they don't seem to care. I still dwell on the many friendships I had in elementary, thinking about the things I could have done differently, maybe I would still be friends with them. People change, I know that, but I still blame myself for everyone I have lost over the years. I don't do anything, I sit in my room all day, just go to school, and then come home to nothing. I spend most of my time online, whether it's scrolling through the internet, or playing video games. Being lonely is not something people should wish for, cherish everything you have, especially the people who stick by you through everything. 

I will always be alone and I have come to terms with it, but it still hurts. Maybe once I move out of this shit hole, I'll finally find someone that understands me.

:3