♡ 10:08》Belonging: Find Out Next Time?

》hey yall >:c

》ok im not actually mad, but just a little frustrated within myself (nothing new for me, it's just another day at the office)

》i feel like as a kid i was always making friends. like i could be in any room and i would make a friend type shit

》i was a very loud mouthed kid and i thrived on making other people laugh. like that shit would fill my soul.

》hearing people laugh at me made me who i was. it defined me.

》cause if i make them laugh, they will keep me around, and ill have somewhere to call home.

》the world has always held my worth in its hands. and she has a shaky grip. talking Parkinsons

》every social interaction was a performance, hoping people would stand up and cheer for an encore, but there's so much space between the actor and the audience

》no one could see me because i wasn't even being me, because i was too afraid

》now i walk the world with walls up, keep my head down and eyes forward, doing whatever i can to keep myself from falling apart, because weakness is a worse fate than death

》i have to be strong. i have to focus on myself, because no one else is required to care.

》with all the people who came and left, i finally realized that the old me's definition of connection was fundamentally flawed

》enjoying what you do doesn't mean enjoying you

》how could i expect people to stay when they didn't even know me, when I didn't even know me?

》im mentally on a deserted island, i feel like people can visit or stop by but no one stays for long

》if this is the only way to get the strength i seek, then so be it

》{Bobbie left the chat}