My Day

I studied like 20 minutes for my SAT. I feel like I should be nervous, but I don’t care. I don’t really care about anything right now. I have to wake up super early, so that sucks. I’m nervous about the math, but I’m using my brother’s nice calculator. I just want a score to submit to college.

My mom tore her thumb ligaments, and I love her, but I feel guilty. I think she’s like relying on me to be the nice one and it’s all this pressure. It’s not like everyone else isn’t trying, it’s just that you’re being mean. I feel so guilty, because I love my mom, but I also love my sister and dad. I hate feeling so torn when everyone is fighting. I know my mom is being manipulative, but what else am I supposed to do. I’m trying my best, and I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus. I am just trying to act normal. My dad is just so clueless, and my sister has work and a life. My brother is a brat. Its so hard, I just wanna be there for everyone ya know?

On the plus side I went driving with my Dad to go pick up food, and it was fun. He’s a weird guy, but he’s okay I guess. We picked up Waffle House which I haven’t had in forever! I forgot to get Millie hash browns which I feel bad about. One day I’ll be as good at picking up food as her! I love her a lot and I was driving and I jokingly made fun of her, and I felt bad I said I loved her to myself. She’s the best. We listened to Queen on the radio on the way back, but my dad told me to turn it down, because I needed to focus. He wanted me to drive faster the whole time, but it was raining at night and everyone and their sister has LED headlights on these curvy roads. I can’t see. Sometimes I get to scared my vision is to bad for me to drive even with glasses. I just don’t want to hurt anyone, and I’m sure my vision is the best it can be with glasses, but y sister and dad see things I can’t see. What if something goes wrong? But there are much less cautious drivers than me and they haven’t hurt anyone. I guess time will tell.

I also think my spelling and ability to tell right from left has gotten worse. I was pumping gas, and I needed help because I was twisting the fuel cap the wrong way, and you’ve seen my spelling in my blog. My sister tells me to put on spell check, but I don’t think she gets how embarrassing and disheartening it is. Even with spell check I spell wrong, and all those red squiggles make me want to cry. I just feel like a failure, and it makes me hate writing.

I guess I had an okay day, but it was only a few hours long. Okay bye I’m going to try and fight my insomnia!