been a while

I havent blogged in 5ever. Well. Hello.

Firstly. im on bluesky https://bsky.app/profile/arnanak.bsky.social

secondly. hello. i have a new job now. im a free sample person. surprisingly,not like... awful? its making me realize maybe i dont have social anxiety, just agoraphobia and a typical bit of social awkwardness as an autistic person. i have no fear at all when im "in control" of a social situation. asking for help from other coworkers has me freaking out but chatting with customers is just fine.

well. id made a tumblr blog for posting longform and shortform thoughts but it got deactivated weeks ago. i got an email back saying it was restored, but... it wasnt? and now its gonna take weeks for them to respond to my email saying it wasnt actually restored and, well, i give up on tumblr.

its fine. i think i might just, yeah, use bsky for short funny little thoughts and then here for introspective blogging? im sorry for flip flopping so much. im just a perfectionist because i used to HAVE perfection, but in the modern internet its all garbage.

i took a break from this site because i was sick as fuck of the community but now that i have bluesky i have a place to browse when im  bored and i can just sorta, post and run here. i used to browse blogs becuz i had little else to do during those small intervals where i had nothing better to do but not enough time to start on any real hobby shit. but uh yeah.

lifes been going better now that ive got this job. had it for like, three or four weeks now? its nice.

its mind-numbingly boring. but, so so much better than being yelled at and getting sick with anxiety and stress at my food service jobs. surprisingly agoraphobe friendly, because i can just... fucking leave!

this jobs all remote. HUGE issue when i need help. but otherwise? i get to run off wherever and whenever i want! of course i clock in thru my phone, so my phones gps is being tracked, plus im judged based on how many samples i hand out, so i genuinely do need to be present and working during every minute i can to hand out an acceptable amount of samples but still, id have enough time to lock myself in the family bathroom to ride out a panic attack if need be, yknow? thats good enough for me.

im trying to dress more... manly... i even got a mens work shirt for this. it was way too big for me, which made me feel bad, but i actually tailored it all by myself to fit my frame more! so now i have a masc man shirt that actually fits me and so i look like a dude in a shirt that fits rather than a girl wearing her dads clothes.

oh man, speaking of which, my manager who stops in rarely is okay with me being trans! she clocked my ass lmfao. she noticed me stumble and obviously appear off-put by her using my obviously female deadname so she asked me what name id prefer and she printed that on my name tag instead... and then the next time we saw each other, she called me "sir" while doing the thing where she pretends to be a customer to test how i peddle the product im demonstrating.

hm what else. im trying to read more! especially sci-fi stuff! i actually did read and finish a book! fire time! i wrote a review for it. its about alien cat centaurs who are a bit fucked because the sun is too damn close right now.

currently im reading the mountain in the sea, which is about intelligent octopuses.

but yeah. gonna be more active here if i have some self-introspection shit to talk about. i browse the recent blogs and this site is still south park stans, byf posters, and "OH MY GOD STOP POSTING GORE LET ME GIVE YOU ALL THE ATTENTION YOU WANT HERE YOU GO ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION" posts so i, uh, dont think i missed much but perhaps i'll just avoid recent blogs or continue blocking, eh?

OH i also rewatched evangelion and ummm my partner and i are ALMOST done playing echo we just need to finish flynn's route yayy