Just in case

There are many things I hate. Whether that be people, noises, feelings, or odd textures, there are tons of things I absolutely despise. Although there has to be one thing i hate the most. Can you guess what that is?!?! drumroll pls!!! You feeling any sort of negative emotion. Anger, I hate. Sadness, I hate. Guilt, I hate. Fear, I hate. Every single thing I know you, as an average human, being experiences; makes me feel so so mad. Mad I can't do more to help you? Mad that sometimes you can't open up to me? Mad that no matter what, I know and I recognise that I can never fully cheer you up? Yes. It makes me mad to impossible amounts that someone who I love so much could ever feel so upset. So distraught. It outright hurts me and I just feel so helpless. Like I read your texts, I can tell, but you don't want to explain or recieve that much comfort. I am always so so mad I cannot do more. You mean so much to me and I would sacrifice everything and anything to cheer you up and always have you smiling that adorable grin. You're so beautiful and even though a frown on your face does not affect that one bit, I would still much prefer someone so extraordinary to have the best life ever. Only the best for everything. Even if that meant you being somewhere else for breaks, being somewhere else for lunch, or even with someone else. If I had to lose you in exchange for you only ever being happy; it'd be a hesitant yes. You could get a restraining order against me and I would be happy simply knowing that you are going to have an amazing life. I would do anything for you, even if it cost me my life. I would be tortured endlessly just to see you laugh. To see you excel. To see you reach amounts of happiness that seem almost impossible. I would truly do anything. Because you deserve oh so much, and I would be ridiculously happy to be the reason you have bright days, and an even brighter future. It sounds kind of creepy to say I would hold onto such levels of pain just to see you smile, but it is true. Your smile is probably the prettiest I have ever seen. Rosy, kissable lips stretched into an absolutely gorgeous act of joy. It makes me so giddy and I am not even lying when I say I would rather do all of that for you to be so ecstatic. I am really really sorry if I have ever upset you, and I would wish to erase everything me or others have put you through. Every single thing that's weighed, or weighing, you down-- I would use all my 3 wishes to grant you the greatest life and to forget what has ever happened. I love you with all my heart.

If you're ever ever EVERRRR in need of help then please come to me. Whether it be silly things like your avatar, more serious things like a situation you are in or maybe even your feelings; I am always there. I really am sorry if I act like I do not want or wish to be there for you because I am. Even if I'm in a silly little era or situation myself, I would always be glad to help you and grateful you feel as though you can open up about more personal topics with me. I appreciate you so much and if it does not come through like that then I sincerely (like SINCERELY) apologise because I have not told you enough that I am always here for you, waiting with open arms always. I will always be free to talk to you, hold you, and if you were ever so upset I would even perform for you... I would do the silliest things to make sure you are okay or attempt to cheer you up. I really would. Even if it was a silly silly dance like 'Baggy jeans' or even 'Shoong'... I would do any little thing to help you cheer up, because you are so precious to me and you mean so much. Literally just ask for a performance and I am already giving up my limbic system and all embarassment I could possibly gain is not even on the table. Because I would love to cheer you up. I know I love you, and you should too. I cannot stress this enough, but I would do anything to cause even the slightest smile upon your face. The TIIIIINIEST little smile placed on your face is something I love to see. Not only because you are drop dead gorgeous-- but also because it makes me feel so moonstruck. I am really glad you sent me that tik tok, or else I would still be stuck. I could not find the right word for how I feel when I see you smile. But moonstruck is so perfect. My heart goes crazy, and I just feel so happy and loving from where I am sitting. I feel like the luckiest little rat alive and I love it. You are absolutely amazing, and you make me feel so happy. I am always so captivated by your beauty it is literally unreal. How can someone I know be so pretty? SOOOOOO gorgeous? Such a pretty boy?!?! It has like got to be fake I swear... I feel so bad for others 'cause I always steal you.. It is so so silly... (like your willy) But seriously, I love just watching you in class even though that is quite rare now as I do not want to fail... But you still distract me so much in English you little twat (/J. BIGGEST /J EVER). You distracting me in English says a LOT. You know I love Michele.. Silly little Ira!!

Not only are you beautiful looks-wise, you're fucking PERFECT personality-wise. You have the cutest, silliest, most creative personality ever and it is so muahhahahahah. BECAUSE LIKE THIS IS THE PERSON SOMEONE LIKE ME HAS MANAGED TO SNATCH UP? I sometimes just find myself texting you and thinking, "This is who I have, somehow, attained?" "This is who I am dating?" "This is someone who probably actually loves me back???" It is just oh so shocking. It feels so unrealistic that sometimes when my messages do not deliver I spam your profile picture to check if you have blocked me... IT'S KIND OF WEIRD ADMITTING IT NOW BUT I AM LIKE ALWAYS SO CONVINCED YOU BLOCK ME ... there have been numerous occasions I have like been either accidentally or purposefully left on read, undelivered, delivered etc and I check if you have blocked me like every 5 minutes LMAO. Because I would be devastated to lose someone so cool, humourous, fun, beautiful, kind, caring, thoughtful, lovable, and adorable. I would be nothing but a fool to discard someone so so so so so so amazing. Not only are you all of them, but you are so talented, so sweet, bonny, and exceedingly appreciative. I really would be so stupid to pay such little attention to someone who deserves nothing but the best. A fool, a clown, an idiot, you name it; that is exactly what I would be. How can someone who is supposedly 'logical'-- supposedly 'smart' not show how he really cares about his A-tier partner? It is just so silly!! I wish I was all good with physical touch, I wish I was good at showing my feelings, and I wish I could properly communicate but unfortunately I can't. Sometimes I do curse the flip out of Deacon because damn bro maybe if I was not touched up WE COULD ALREADY BE DOING MUCH CUTER THINGS IT MAKES ME SO MAD. Silly little guy... I would love and kill to be doing so much more with you. It makes me so so angry that I am mostly holding us back gr... My love, I would trade everything to be able to recieve and give such gentle and loving touches; to do the most disgustingly couply and adorable things with you. I would kill to do so. It would be my biggest dream to be able to show such care towards you by having so much more touch (only when you would want it too obviously). The most I can do is hope, pray, and try!! Bro I would quite literally try any method to improve my physical touch meter... Like when I say anything i mean like ANYTHING. Ira I love you so much and I would do so much to show you that, if you are ever ever in doubt call me out, ask me for anything. I will do it. If you are upset, ask me to cry too..? I will. Ask me anything, I will.